Room 301 [Zarry]

the balcony scene

The alcohol coursing through my veins is too much, the room is too tight. My lungs, my damned lungs. My lungs are surely failing, head throbbing. Too loud. Too cramped, too much noise. So much noise, I inhale sharply, chest tight. Needles, it feels like pins and needles and I sway gently, nearly go crashing to the floor. I can feel Lana guiding me out, hand on the small of my back. She's angry and screaming, tears smearing her mascara. Why is the world so mad at me? I see the blurry sign come into view, eyes correcting the distortion as the letters clear.

Chateau Marmont Hotel.

Lana's crooning singing voice is stuck in the back of my head

Likes to watch me in the glass room, bathroom
Chateau Marmont
Slipping on my red dress, putting on my makeup
Glass film, perfume, cognac, lilac

So many stories to tell if the walls could speak. Tragic deaths and celebrity affairs and me getting faded at the most infamous hotel in Hollywood.

I'm fucked out of my mind, have no recollection of ever stepping foot inside. I puke my guts out on the corner of Sunset Boulevard, wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, hopelessly looking around for Lana friend but she's gone. I'm frantic, alone and panicked and very far from fine.

A taxi cab comes to an abrupt stop, the cabbie chuckles darkly. "Harry Styles," he gives a little smirk. "Hollywood too much for you yet? Sad what happened to your fiance."

I stumble in, cheek pressed against the cool window. If I could just claw through this shirt, rip it up, fucking crawl out of my skin.

"Awful quiet kid. Where ya headed?"

"Hollywood T-towers," I slur, head still pounding.

"No kidding! Do you know that place is haunted-"

My mind drowns him out, I feel my stomach churn as the cab lurches to a halt. I toss the man some cash, trip my way into the elevator, the motion making me extremely dizzy. After fumbling around for my room key, I manage to make it in. I'm nauseated and the world is spinning upside down. There's a painful knot in my chest and I suck in a nervous breath, feeling like I'm going to suffocate.

Get out of this place, get out of this place. Get out, get out, worthless, dying dreams, dead dreams. Stupid dreams.

There's a flash, a vision of her out on the balcony. Her voice softly beckons me. I'm unsure if it's an illusion, mind a mess from the crushed up pills and mixed drinks. "Butterfly," I whisper, unsteadily teetering out onto the balcony. "I have wings too, I can fly away." I spread out my arms, laughter spilling from my lips. "Wanna fly away with you."

The cool LA breeze settles in on my sticky skin. I rip off my shirt, grip tight onto the balcony bars, blurred city lights twinkling around me. I see a distorted Hollywood sign off in the distance, the promise of fame and the scenic foothills and everything I wanted so desperately, chased for so long. My knuckles turn white.

It would be so easy to jump, to fly, to soar. To fly to fly to fly

I somehow swing one leg over the edge, adrenaline pumping inside my bones.

Your wings won't fail you, City of Angels. City of Angels , I can become an angel. Butterfly wings and first flights.

"Harry stop!"

I feel arms around my waist, soft and strong and assured. My body feels so secure, there's the flex of muscles, I press my nose to the soft fabric of a well-worn t-shirt, tears soaking the thin material. He's solid. I can feel him, inhale his scent. My trembling fingers peel at the hem of his shirt, I roll it up, fingertips meeting warm skin.

Fingers graze my bare shoulder, a soft caress, a wet kiss pressed to the crook of my neck. I feel floaty, drifting...start to melt away, eyelids fluttering closed. Zayn's nose tickles the nape of my neck and my heartbeat is erratic. I can't find all the air that my lungs need, am left breathless in the best possible way as Zayn softly murmurs "I think I'm in love with you."

My heart nearly stops.

"You are my dream Harry Styles."

He lays me gently on the bed, places his hand on my forehead. There are tears swimming in my eyes, not just drunk tears. Real tears. "I c-can see you," I stammer, tremor in my hand as I try to latch my fingers around his wrist. His face is so close, breath soft and warm and delicate as it lands upon my skin. He gathers me into his arms, hand cupped around my neck. I bury my face in his shirt, sobs racking my body.

"It's okay," he whispers. "Everything is alright my love. You're safe."

Everything about him is soft, his lips pressed against mine, the tickle of his fingertips, the way the tip of his nose skims the nape of my neck and how his hands roam over my chest. There's the scrape of his stubble and the flicker of his long eyelashes. He strokes my cheek until I settle down, heartbeat finding its normal rhythm.

"Your body needs rest."

He lays down beside me, exhales, those honey colored eyes fixated on the ceiling. I just want him to hold me, nudge up against his side and he smiles, pulls me against him, fingers lost in my curls. My heart quivers over every little detail. He laughs quietly, catches me staring. "Do I need to shave my stubble?"

"No," I mumble against his chest. "Please don't change anything." I'm so scared of my feelings and what this means for us. Am I going to lose him too? Will he finally be at peace? "Zayn-"

"Yes?" He studies my face, rests his chin on the top of my head.

"Will I lose everything I ever loved?"

"I don't know what will happen to me," he answers honestly. "I think I'm supposed to go to Heaven now but I'm not sure. I never imagined that my dreams would someday come true. I'm just so overwhelmed by all this, how eerily similar it was when I caught you standing out on the balcony. This is what I was meant to do all along. I didn't need you to save me Harry, I needed to save you."