Room 301 [Zarry]

the top of a roller coaster

Our Northern California retreat was way too short. The days that we spent by the ocean and visiting the aquarium flew by. Priorities pull us back to our bungalow. News of Robert's arrest is still a hot subject but the news of our engagement spreads like wildfire. My single climbs to the top of the charts, I'm in disbelief when I see myself kissing Kit on the front of the newest issue of Vogue. Talks of a world tour are already in the works.

My head won't stop spinning, the ground beneath my feet seems so unsteady. All I want to do is tuck myself under the covers and sleep for a week straight.

I'm met with streamers and noise-makers when I open the door. Lana and Kit laugh at my shock, place a party hat on my head. There's a banner over the patio, congrats are in order. "You're engaged," Lana cheers, popping open a bottle of red wine. Close friends and my team are huddled around the pool grilling hamburgers and hot dogs. There's a tray of cupcakes on the table outside, sides of macaroni and vegetable skewers.

I can't wipe the stupid smile off my face, my own song flows through the speakers. There's a bunch of beach balls everywhere instead of balloons. I kick one away from my feet as I open up the sliding glass door. Kit is already sipping some pink lemonade, ring glinting as she tilts back her glass.

A small crowd forms around her, mostly her friends all shrieking and doting over the cut of the diamond. I chuckle, wait until she's all alone and has emptied her glass. "You're full of surprises Kit Wells. We never even made an official announcement."

"I know," she giggles. "Lana finds out everything, you know how much she loves to throw a party." I roll my eyes, reel her in, hands on her waist and kiss her.

People whistle and cheer, breaking us apart out of embarrassment. "Harry," Lana waves me over, mischievous grin on her face. "Look at you! You're blushing. Do you notice anything different about Kit?"

I'm perplexed as I study her. Her skin looks so soft and radiant, cheeks full and rosebud red. "We've both gained a little weight but I think she looks beautiful."

"Yeah," she laughs. "Kit is always stunning."

I focus on her billowly white dress with thin sleeves and the flowers tucked in her hair. She always has on her butterfly necklace, it lays flat between her plunging neckline, sparkling in the late afternoon sun. Suddenly, it dawns on me as her hand moves to her stomach.

"Am I stupid," I ask, heart in my throat. "How did I not notice? Oh my God," I rub wearily at my eyelids before glancing over at her again, eyes fixed on the ever so slight swell of her belly.

"Men really are idiots," she jokes. "You're been crazy busy and it's so subtle. Kit has such a tiny and delicate frame, it took me awhile to realize. It's the luminosity in her face that gave it away. She has that beautiful pregnancy glow."

"How far along," I ask, mind still stuck in a fog. "How many months do you think?"

"Can't be sure," she shrugs. "She's barely showing. With women as dainty as her, it's really hard to tell."

"Boy or a girl," I ask, heart doing a happy dance.

"My money is on girl," she smiles at me before bringing me in for a hug. "I'm so happy for you two. The wait is going to kill me, I want photo shoots of the little one as soon as possible."

I chuckle, eyes still stuck on my beautiful butterfly. "I'm so nervous," I admit. "We really haven't planned for this. We always used protection."

"Well it happens in the heat of the moment. A condom slips from your mind so you don't slip it over your dick."

"Shut up," I laugh, hands muffling her mouth. "This is serious. I'm going to be a dad. Oh shit," I mutter, repeating it again just to be sure. "I'm going to be a dad. Lana I don't know that I'm ready for all that responsibly. What if I can't change a diaper properly? I already can't even sleep as is."

"You'll be fine," she assures, patting my back. "I've seen you with kids, you're so good with them."

"We're talking about a newborn baby, that's completely different!" I'm all flustered, feel as though there isn't enough fresh air and space for me to breathe. I move to the corner of the yard, trying to gather my thoughts when I feel a light tap on my shoulder.

"Harry, is everything okay?" She gives a little frown and I chuckle before kissing it away.

"Everything is amazing," I whisper, hands resting on her growing tummy.  "Were you waiting to tell me?"

"I didn't know, I haven't had any morning sickness or anything. The time just didn't feel right, with you being so stressed about rolling out the album and all the promo. I don't want to be a bother."

"You're never a bother," I scoff. "It's our child, not a distraction. I love you so much, please never think my career comes first my little butterfly."

"I know," she says calmly, ruffling my hair. "Trust me, I was going to tell you soon in my own way. Lana just likes to run her mouth."

We laugh, both knowing it's the truth. "Yeah, I love her loads but she lives for gossip. My heart won't settle down, I'm justso anxious and eager."

"You're going to be a wonderful dad," she whispers, forehead pressing against mine. "You're caring, protective, funny...everything I could ask for. I'm so blessed to share my life with someone as amazing as you Harry. I'm the luckiest girl in the world."

We get caught up in kissing, tucked away by the bushes. I decide to keep the news hidden a bit longer before phoning home. My mum was already gushing about the engagement. Kit wanders off with her friends and I go inside, needing a break from the crowd.

Everything hits me once I'm alone, a wave of emotion flooding me. I can't stop crying, bury my face in my hands. What did I do to deserve this life? What did I ever do to create a little miracle with the person I love with my entire heart? What did I do to deserve that first number one hit, that front page magazine cover?

The roller coaster has reached its peak, I'm gazing down at the world from such great heights. I keep saying a prayer, squeezing my eyes shut.

Please don't come crashing down.