Her Last Wish

Chapter 8 - Part 1 of 2

-Chapter 8-

"Alice, honey, would you like to visit the Dr. Woodland?" my mother asked, as she eyed me with great concern.

I shook my head, for I was not capable of doing anything else. I had been sick; my stomach had felt as though it had been prepared to burst open, and dizziness had taken over me completely. I remained in bed for the entire day never bothering to get up save for whenever bile had risen up towards my aching throat. I was not certain for how long this would last, and I hoped dearly that it would end soon for I could not take it any longer.

But of course, it had not been the first time this has occurred. It had happened a few times before and it had hurt just as much. Dr. Woodland, the oncologist, informed me that it had been normal to have felt just as I had now for as long as it had not happened constantly, thus I had not found it necessary to visit him knowing I would do nothing but become a bother onto him.

"Well if that is what you want, then alright. I have to go cook dinner dear, but I'll be right back," my mother promised with voice filled with uncertainty, as she began to head towards the door.

I shut my eyes in a tight manner, exhaling sharply. The moment I had heard the door close, I walked towards the window. I sighed heavily for I had still felt weak, and I could barely keep my eyes open no matter how hard I had willed them to do so. I pulled the curtains aside, allowing the cool April wind to blow across my weary face. I had found it rather refreshing to feel the wind against my face, and I had never quite minded the smell of New York for as long as the wind remained cool.

From the view I had as I leaned alongside the window, I laid eyes upon a couple walking together with hands intertwined with one another. There were a few people walking towards different directions yet my eyes had only focused on the couple who stood not far from the house I resided in. They looked as though they had been middle-aged and I could see now that the woman had been pregnant. They held each other's gaze in a manner I had not thought possible to do so. I have always wanted to have a man of my own when I had grown older, though to my great dismay my hopes of ever living as an adult with a husband and my very own children had been crushed about a year ago. If I had been truly honest with myself I was certain that it still hurt; the very fact that it had not been possible for me to grow old and have a family of my own had hurt. And though I had accepted the fact that I was going to die sooner than I had wished, I still had not been able to keep a few tears from spilling whenever I thought about it.

I quickly willed myself to forget about dying for a moment, and to think only of joyful thoughts. I closed my eyes and searched my brain in great haste for the best memories I was capable of remembering. I thought hard and long, skimming through my greatest of memories until I had found one that I was not capable of forgetting no matter how far back it had been.

Suddenly, I had been 10 years old once more, and it was winter time. We were visiting Uncle Clive in Britain for the holiday season. "Mommy, may I go out and play? Look, look it's snowing!" I remember exclaiming with great glee, as I tugged onto my mother's shirt. I had been so eager to wander around in the snow then; I grasped every chance I had found to be able to stay out in the snow whatever the circumstances.

Mother was busy with Amy, as she had only recently given birth to her. "Alice, is it alright if you would go later on? Your father is out with Uncle Clive and would not be back until later today," she informed me, as she began to breastfeed my screaming sister.

Amy had cried more than often when she was an infant. I remembered well that no matter what my mother had done, she would not stop crying. It was simply as if she had a personal alarm that would ring every five minutes and the moment it had, she would start shrieking. While I thought this had been greatly amusing, my mother had thought it was the worst thing that had ever happened to her.