No Matter What.. Part 7
I'll let you in on my family and why I have such a problem with them. You see they're...well for lack of a better term, assholes. My uncle is over all the time and I'm pretty sure he's bipolar. One minute we're joking around and the next he'll give me the dirtiest look and threaten to hit me. I never can tell if I've done something wrong. I live with my grandparents because my mom and dad got a divorce when I was a little kid after my mom skipped out when I was three. My dad lives about fifteen minutes away and I love him more than anyone else. We don't stay with him because after the divorce he thought it would be best for us to stay with our grandparents for awhile where its stable for us an we just ended up staying.
I honestly wish we would've just struggled together as a family but there's not much now I can say. My dad has told me he wished we had struggled too. It's not like her didn't try to have us live with him again, we were kids and we didn't want to leave our friends and the only place we knew, not to mention the fact my grandparents probably wouldn't have had it. They're very controlling. My grandfather is a very bitter man. He doesn't really care much for me and I know that. I really couldn't stand him at all growing up but I consider him a lot better than basically anyone else lately even though I hate him the most when he gets on me. He's still pretty bad though. We mostly just try to stay out of each others ways, well I try to stay out of his. My grandmother is a huge bitch and all she does is yell at me and get on me for things I don't do.
All in all they all (except my dad) think I'm a huge whore and sleep around with a bunch of guys. Not true. I've never had sex with a guy. I've thought about it to see what it's like but I don't think I'd enjoy it very much and I'm constantly told it's not worth it. So I just pursue the girls. I wouldn't say I'm a whore per say, but it's not like I sleep around a lot anymore. I used to but I've slowed that up a lot. You'll see why as I go on.
With the sibling situation I have a little brother, sister, and an older sister and brother. My older sister is the whore (and that's me being nice). The first time she got pregnant she was like twelve. I don't think my brother thinks I'm a whore but I don't think her particularly likes me. He usually ignores my presence all together. It might just be that he's high all the time. He deals pot. So I'm known as the pot head's little sister. Great huh? My family just thinks I'm exactly like my sister. I'm the complete opposite of both my older brother and sister. My sister (the product of my dad and Julie) is a whore, liar, cheater, stupid, and irresponsible and my brother is stupid, a liar, irresponsible, always high, and never puts any effort into bettering his life or anything. He does the bad things yet I get all the blame, punishment, and alienation.
My younger brother (product of my dad and Cindy) is at an age where everything anyone says to him is wrong and stupid. He gets extremely agitated at the smallest things now. He snaps faster than I usually do and it's surprising because he was the only happy one. I love him but I hate who he's becoming. I don't want him to end up as angry and bitter towards the world itself like I had become around that age and on. My baby sister though means more than anything to me now (she's the product of my mom and her boyfriend). She's literally just a baby and the cutest thing you will ever see. She's a happy baby so I'm thankful for that. I want it to stay that way and for her to have the childhood I never had.
So far things with my mom aren't on smooth waters. I'm still angry, she's hurt that I'm still angry which makes me angrier because I'm the hurt one. Anyways we're trying to make it work best we can. Well basically I just put on a brave face and smile to get her to shut up about all this because I honestly don't want to hear anymore excuses from her. As for her boyfriend I really like him he's a nice guy.
