Cinnamon [COMPLETE] (Unedited)

Drowning

Christmas vacation is already here... Zena and I are still not talking. I tried twice more to but she just doesn't want to I guess...

But I forgive her. I don't know her reasons but i don't want to hold grudges. It's been lonely but I survived. I joined a study group and at least I can talk about homework even if not about my personal thoughts.

I've been playing the violin more than ever to pass my free time and I can clearly remember why I started playing in the first place. It helps taking my mind off things. Mainly off of my own thoughts. The human mind really is a complicated thing.

Sometimes I get lost in there for hours without realising. Thinking about the past or the future. Mainly the past and all the things that have changed in such a short time.

Death also takes up a lot of my time thinking. I should probably see a doctor about that.

Sometimes I lay in bed doing nothing. Thinking about nothing. Just staring at the ceiling blankly like I used to when Liam passed. I know that I'm slipping back into that dark place and there is nothing I can do to stop it.

I need someone to pull me out of the ocean I'm drowning in but I'm alone. I'm too far gone. Too deep for anyone to reach. Too deep for any sunlight to hit my skin. And I'm alone.

My relationship with God is also rolling downhill. I want to run back inside His arms  but I can't. I'm drowning. And I'm drowning alone.

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The flight back home is shorter than any other time. Dad notices the bags under my eyes and the paleness of my skin but he doesn't mention it. I wish he did. I wish someone did. But even when surrounded by people I'm alone.

When I step inside the house no animals come running towards me.

"Dad? Where is everyone"? And everything.

Now I notice even the furniture is gone. Only the couch and the TV are left on the living room. "Are you moving"? He nods.

"I wanted to tell you sooner" this again?

"I will move in a smaller place closer to work." "What about the animals"? I ask knowing the answer before the words leave his mouth.

"I'm sorry dear but I can't afford to take care of them. Iron and Hera will go to a farm where thwy can run. The parrots and ferrets  are already in their new homes. Kira and Mister will stay with me."

"No. You'll just give them away eventually too. How could you? I'll take them." Where did that come from? I don't know but... i guess I'm doing this. I want to cry about my life companions but I can't.

"Where? The dorms don't allow pets." I think for a moment

" Then I'll move out of the dorms. I'll rent an apartment close to college and live there. It'll only be for a few months anyway."

"What about money? Where will you find enough money to rent? I surely won't send you when I already pay for your dorm and you can live there."

"I don't need your money thank you. I'm already working part time and have enough money to pay the rent." He seems hurt. I didn't mean to start our time together with a fight.

Ugh I hate myself for all this. For making the few people around me miserable.

What is wrong with me?

I need someone to pull me out of the ocean. Oh God please. Please send someone. I can't take this anymore.

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Short chapter. I'm sorry but some family members are in the hospital and I can't find enough time to write.
I'll try to find more time.

Myrt🌊