in time // h.s.

xxviii. janet

Twenty-three years old...

I'd been sat on my backside in the rather dead art shop when Alex called. It wasn't manic and I wasn't busy. I just felt the sudden urge to get off the phone to her and call her back when I was mentally prepared.

Of course, I'd taken hundreds of photos of them before, they were all in my scrapbooks and photo albums, so it's not like I was averse to them being a couple or shied away from picturing them together. But taking photos of days out or when people are drunk and giddy is quite different to doing a shoot based on their love for each other. It's not that I felt I couldn't bear to see Harry and Alex together, or like I was worried feelings would start stirring in me again, more that I felt like I would be a big fat fraud taking the photos for them. That was my problem.

I sat in the shop for the rest of the afternoon and glumly thought about the best thing to do. In the end, after much deliberation, I came to the conclusion that I was worrying over nothing. If Alex had asked it meant that she must have spoken to Harry first, and if he hadn't been bothered about it then perhaps I'd been over-thinking it. Almost three years had passed since our one night together. I reasoned it was silly of me to keep thinking of it so highly and giving it such importance, especially as Harry was clearly so happy and in love... as was I.

I phoned Alex back later that night. Matty was watching the football in the other room and I'd just cleaned up after dinner. I sat at the kitchen counter, gulping on a large glass of rosé, while I waited for her to pick up.

"It's Janet," I heard her whisper, presumably to Harry, as she brought the phone to her ear. "Hello, you."

"Hey, Alex. So sorry about earlier, there was a sudden mad rush. All of Chiswick's loyal art collectors must have dashed out at once to find something new."

"Not at all, don't worry," she laughed. "I should've called tonight when I knew you were at home. It just suddenly popped into my head and I got a bit excited about the idea."

"Honestly, it's no problem at all," I smiled, still finding her cheeriness as infectious as ever.

"So, what do you think? Are you up for doing something similar with us?"

"Yes, definitely. I think it'll be a lovely thing for you guys to do."

"Nothing mad, we don't need to go crazy with it, just some of us wrapped up all cosy and walking along somewhere pretty would be lovely. Something nice and chilled so that Harry doesn't feel like an idiot."

"That sounds doable," I nodded to myself.

"Are you sure it's okay?"

"Definitely. Consider it an engagement present from us," I offered.

"Oh, Janet, thank you. That's so kind. We could even do it when we come to you next, if you like? Save you lugging all your equipment across London."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! It makes sense."

"Perfect. Matthew can be my assistant and then we'll go have dinner afterwards."

"Brilliant. Thanks again, Janet."

"It's a pleasure," I insisted, bringing the glass to my mouth and sloshing more wine down my gullet.

***

Two Sundays later we took a leisurely stroll down by the river in the wintry sunshine. Harry and Alex hand in hand, me running ahead with my camera up at my face and Matty running alongside me holding my tripod, light reflector, spare lenses, memory cards and batteries, looking like a clueless (but enthusiastic) donkey. We snapped as we went, making most of the shots natural with Harry and Alex just talking and laughing with each other, looking all cosy beneath the mountains of layers they were wearing, Alex in a khaki fitted woollen coat, thick grey tights and flat leather boots, Harry in a suede chestnut coat with a furry collar, faded blue jeans and chunky boots that matched his coat. They did their best to ignore the fact that we were even there.

I was enjoying myself. I had my
photographer's head on and had managed to detach myself completely from who I was photographing. My main focus was making sure the shots all looked good through the camera, that they were framed nicely by the sparse trees and river, and that I was positioning myself correctly so that I could capture them at their best. I was relieved to be finding it so easy.

Walking along we eventually came to a pretty bend in the river, offering a great view of London's skyline in the far distance. I instantly knew it would be a lovely spot to get a few more posed shots, if they were keen.

"Okay, shall we just stop here a second?" I called, getting out of the way of a nosy group of elderly people who had been trailing behind us, trying their best to see what we were up to.

"I was thinking you guys should rest against here," I said, tapping the barrier by the river. "It'll be great to get some close-up stills, I think we've nailed the whole romantic walking thing now. You're pros at that."

"What should we do?" asked Alex as she jumped into position, holding her arm out for Harry to walk into, eager to get going straight away.

"Pose like you're in love," joked Matty.

"Thank you," I said, shooting him a warning look to shut up, knowing his input would deter us from what was going on. "Just snuggle into each other a bit. We can do some of you looking at one another, away dreamily into the distance as you contemplate your lifetime of happiness together and then a few down the lens."

I ignored Matty as he scoffed next to me. That jargon usually worked for others, but I'd forgotten I had Mr Romance-Is-For-Pansies stood by my side... although it probably was a bit much.

I raised my camera back to my face, ready to start shooting again. And that's where it all got a bit awkward. Whereas before Harry had looked comfortable, he'd suddenly become rigid and stiff, clumsily not knowing where to put his hands or where to look. He was far from relaxed. Seeing as he kept stealing glances in Matty's direction and cracking jokes it looked like it was just because he was embarrassed posing in the romantic way I was after.

After they'd burst out laughing for the fifth time I lowered my camera and just raised my eyebrows at them both, willing them to stop.

"Guys!"

"What?" Matty asked innocently, trying his best to keep a straight face.

"Five more minutes then we're done. Can you save being idiots until then?"

"Just forget we're here," smirked Matty.

"It's a bit hard with that clicking going off," Harry moaned, pointing at the camera.

"Nothing I can do about that I'm afraid. It's the shutter," I shrugged, becoming impatient with the pair of them.

"This is just weird..." he grumbled uncharacteristically.

"Hey," Alex cooed, grabbing hold of Harry's coat and pulling him into her, dragging his attention away from what was bothering him. "Close your eyes."

Without saying a word he sighed and did as she said. I was sure he was going to burst out laughing again, but as Alex raised her head and rubbed her nose gently against his chin, his face started to soften.

"I love you," she whispered after a moment or two, smiling contentedly at him.

Harry opened his eyes slowly and looked at his beautiful wife-to-be, his eyes full of doe-eyed love as his face expanded in a smile.

His secret smile.

But that time, it was for her.

Not me.

That was it. As the sun reflected off the water's peaks to make enchanting shapes of light dance majestically behind them, adding to the dazzling beauty of the moment, I took one single shot.

It was the perfect picture of the perfect couple, full of admiration, devotion and completeness. It was full of love. Simple, pure and uncomplicated.