in time // h.s.

xi. harry

Fifteen years old...

I stood frozen in the middle of the crowd as I watched the tender moment between my two best friends. My heart ached as it understood its significance and a feeling of sadness swelled through me. I felt lost, unsure of what to do with myself. Should I have gone over and made a joke of their locking lips, ruining whatever magic was passing between them? Should I have retreated back to the loos and come back out a bit later, pretending I hadn't seen anything? Well, that's what I wanted to do, but before I had a chance to do anything the song was over, they'd pulled apart and noticed me, both of them looking at me with great big grins on their faces, insanely happy with themselves.

I had no choice but to grab the nearest girl to me, who just happened to be Janet's roommate on that trip, Kathy, and give her a quick snog. It was horrible and sloppy, we even banged teeth in my haste, but at least I didn't have to look at their elated faces, I thought. At least I didn't have to talk to them.

It had been the last song of the night and as soon as it was over Miss Jones was ushering people to get their coats on and head outside. I managed to keep my distance from Janet and Matty by diving in, getting my stuff and walking outside before they'd even moved from their romantic spot in the middle of the makeshift dance floor.

I trailed behind at the back of the group as we walked to the hotel, aware of the irritatingly joyous chatter going on in front of me. Everyone was talking animatedly about how much fun the night had been and how wonderful they'd found the whole trip, I didn't give a flying crap. I would have given anything to be able to teleport home and get far away from Paris and every single one of them.

Even though there were at least sixteen people between us, I could see that my two best friends were still holding hands. I was so inexplicably angry. Angry at them for kissing, angry at them for thinking it was all jolly and fun and that there wouldn't be any consequences, angry at Matty for kissing Janet when he could have picked any other girl at school, but most of all I felt sorry for myself, because I'd missed out. My hopes and desires for that trip came tumbling down around me. I'd been a mere twelve hours or less from standing at the top of the Eiffel Tower and telling Janet how I felt, but I'd been beaten to it. Accusing questions formed in my head as I started to beat myself up over my mammoth disappointment. Why did I think I needed some romantic gesture or setting to go along with my declaration of love? Why didn't I just tell her months earlier when I first thought of doing so? Why did I allow time to get in the way and steal her from me?

It quickly dawned on me that I'd lost her. Either way, whether things continued between Janet and Matty or not, there'd be no chance for us. Janet, the girl who glittered beautifully, who carried an indescribable magic in her very being, would never be in my grasp. I was heartbroken.

When we got to the hotel I scampered off to our room with great speed, but not before I painfully caught a glimpse of Matty and Janet kissing once more as they said goodnight.

I got to our room, stripped off and got straight into bed, trying to hide myself in the hope that Matty wouldn't want to talk when he came in. I was wrong, of course. Even though I was feigning sleep he sauntered in and started talking loudly as soon as he walked through the door.

"There you are," he said, standing in the middle of the room with the biggest grin on his face. "What a night that was."

"Yeah," I muttered, pretending to be half asleep.

"I tell you what, I wasn't expecting that to happen when we went out tonight. I mean, it's Janet! Janet!" he practically squealed, puffing air from his cheeks as he mulled it over. "Janet and me! Who'd have thought."

Not me, that's for sure. Well, I had, but I'd been talked out of thinking such paranoid thoughts. How ironic.

"Why did you say you didn't like her in that way?"