in time // h.s.

xxxi. harry

Twenty-four years old...

I sat on the sofa in the lounge with my head cradled in my hands, full of self-hatred. Unable to believe what I'd done, what I'd practically confessed. How stupid of me. How utterly vile of me to behave in that way when Matty had done so much for me. Even if that was the reason for my actions, there was absolutely no way I should have let it be known to Janet. Ever. That hadn't been my intention when I'd agreed to stay round there. It hadn't even entered my head that it was a possibility. I was going away. I was purposefully freeing myself from the torment of the situation, so why on earth had I acted in that way?

The look she gave me, when she realized what I'd implied, I'll never forget. It was pitiful. She pitied me in that moment. There's no questioning that. Her jaw dropped and eyes widened at the crazy man standing in her kitchen who was clearly unable to move on from what had barely existed years before. She didn't need to say anything, the look said it all, she'd been mortified at my revelation. Bewildered.

The following day I moved to mum's, telling Matty there was no point of me sleeping on their sofa when I had a room of my own waiting for me back at Cheshire, along with a mum and sister who I knew would be desperate to see as much as they could of me in the few weeks before I left.

I was gone before Janet got home from work the next day, something I assumed she'd be pleased about.

***

The day I was leaving for the airport, I came across an old picture of Janet, Matty and I. It was right after our first day of secondary school and our mums all picked us up, insisting we took a group picture.

We were so young and innocent.

No complications.

No worries.

No regrets.

I found myself wishing I was eleven again, leaving behind and forgetting all the mistakes I've made. But sadly, there still wasn't any form of time travel and we all had to live with our regrets.

Wether we found a way to get past them or not.