in time // h.s.

iv. harry

Eleven years old...

Two years after Janet stepped through the doors of Hermitage Primary School we were happily settled into our friendship. We went everywhere and did everything together. It was rare to see one of us without the other two in tow. This was helped by the fact that our parents had become close too, meaning that while they had their grown-up dinner parties and weekly Friday nights at the community club, we were allowed to wander off and play. On top of that, hardly a day went by without us doing something together after school. Our mums would come and collect us at the school gates, take us to our individual homes, and within minutes one of us would be knocking on the others' front doors, asking if they wanted to play out.

Thankfully, things had changed in class, mostly because Janet no longer had any desire to become friends with the group of girls in our class. After various spats, she suddenly saw sense, much to Matty's and my relief. In turn, because she stopped caring so much, Lizzy and her minions stopped picking on her. Thankfully they'd come to some sort of truce.

On May 15th, in our final year at primary school, our whole class was stood at the bottom of the school playing field in the spring sunshine, next to the great big fir trees, waiting to watch Bethany Davies (one of the nicer girls of Lizzy's minions) and George Reed (the most popular boy in class) do a very grown-up thing... get married. It was all taken very seriously with Lizzy as the priest and the rest of her minions playing the bridesmaids (hardly a surprise).

"I don't understand why we have to watch this," huffed Matty from Janet's right.

"Because! It's romantic!" She said back.

"It's stupid."

She didn't respond any further to his moaning because it was pretty clear that Matty had a bit of a soft spot for Bethany. That was the real reason for him thinking the whole thing was ridiculous. He was jealous.

"I like it..." I said with a beaming smile.

"Really?" questioned Matty in disgust, flicking the ends of his hair out of his eyes with irritation.

"Yes," I nodded, eagerly.

Lizzy was standing beside George in what was our childish makeshift version of a romantic spot to get married in. A collection of sticks, daisies, bluebells and dandelions had been arranged into a circle, like a little love nest.

We edged a little nearer to them when the ceremony was about to start, much to Matty's annoyance.

"Please welcome the bride and her bridesmaids," Lizzy shouted, as she theatrically swept her hand in the air towards the incoming group of girls, who'd been hiding behind a few of the trees.

Nicole and Mikaela, the other two of Lizzy's minions, walked up to the circle carrying small bunches of daisies, as they hummed 'Here Comes the Bride' with great enthusiasm. Behind them walked Bethany wearing a big white shiny dress over her school uniform.

Laughter came from my right.

Janet and I turned to see Matty with his hand covering his reddening face as he failed to suppress more mocking laughter. Janet elbowed him in the ribs.

"Ouch," he yelped as he rubbed the spot she hit.

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls," Lizzy boomed louder, her voice sounding more serious and grown up than normal. "Thank you all for joining us here today. Bethany and George are delighted to be sharing this wonderful moment with their friends."

Matty sighed, unable to hide his irritation.

"Marriage is about two people saying they like each other very much and showing it to the world," she said to the crowd. "It's them saying they love each other more than anyone else they know. That they are happy to be there for each other from now until the day they die."

I payed close attention as I soaked up the meaning of the words. Not even looking away when I caught Janet smiling at me in my peripheral.

Once Lizzy had come to the end of her speech and the bride and groom had finished repeating Lizzy's words, she came to the finale of the service.

"Bethany and George, by the power in me, I now call you man and wife... George, you may now kiss the bride."

We all watched in stunned silence as George placed his hands on Bethany's cheeks, pulled her into him and kissed her straight on the lips. It was, and still is, the friskiest first kiss I've ever experienced at a wedding. It lasted a couple of seconds and was followed by a big grin from the newly married couple as the gathered crowd erupted in whoops and cheers.

"That was a bit much," huffed Matty, rolling his eyes.

While the crowd continued to go crazy, I looked to my right at Janet smiling fondly at everything going on around her. That's the moment I realized that I loved Janet Breuer. I couldn't ignore the flood of emotions that swirled in me being in that setting, with the emphasis of the occasion of love and happiness, it was hard to escape the intense desire that took hold of me, making it impossible to ignore. I had an overwhelming urge to open my mouth and say those three little words out loud, but I couldn't.

Of course, it would be easy to brush the whole thing off and insist it was a crush, a silly little case of puppy love, but it wasn't. It was far more than that.

From the moment I saw Janet she'd captured me. She had me completely gripped. I was fascinated with everything about her. The way she looked with her brunette silk-like hair and flushed cheeks, the way her full heart-shaped lips spoke with a softness and warmth, and the way she appeared so vulnerable as she exposed her caring heart. I adored her. It was that simple.

With Janet in my life I felt whole. She added a magical sparkle that I'd never want to live without. And so I found another way to express what I was undoubtedly sure I felt. I placed my warm and clammy hand in hers and gave it a long squeeze before pulling my hand away. The words pulsed through my body and out of my hands into hers, the one I loved inexplicably.

I LOVE YOU.

That was what I'd wanted to say in that one little squeeze.

And I knew I meant it.

I really did...

I had no agenda, no hidden plan or desire for anything to change between us, my only thought was to relieve myself of those feelings by communicating them in the only way I felt I could.

One little squeeze of love.

From me.

To her.