Wake Up

Chapter 8 : Isolation

Jeongguk's P.O.V.

The white abyss, so large and endless, infinite and spacious. So pure and innocent, clean and new.

Yet, it remains empty.

I feel my feet get tired as I continue to mindlessly walk through the abyss. I don't know where it ends and where it leads. There's no path, no signs, no beautiful scenery. Just white, and I'm beginning to become ungrateful of this color.

Of course, I'd rather be here than in the World of Darkness, but not when I'm left alone with my thoughts.

Being here, in nothing but silence... just reminds me that I'm not alive. I'm not awake, I'm not breathing nor am I living. I'm alone, and might as well be classified as deceased.

The loud noise of silence slowly gets to me, and I suddenly feel the urge to break down.

"Why am I here?" I ask aloud. I receive no response.

"Why am I here?" I ask again. "Why? What's the point of keeping me trapped here? What did I ever do to deserve this?"

Why?

That word, "why," always said and passed through my lips.

Why me?

Why was I chosen to suffer this way? Why was I chosen to be separated from being alive, from being free? Why, how and when was this glass-shattering, iron barrier that blocks me from them was built? Who built this barrier, this cage, this locket that contains broken me? Was I too stupid in the real world? Was I too clueless? Did I never truly appreciate my limbs that carry me across the earth? Did I not love everyone enough? Was I too careless? Too naive?

Was I not capable to breath?

To speak?

To smile, to laugh, to move, to dance, to sing?

Did I not see the world with open eyes? Was I too blind to see the meaning of life, to see what it means to live, to survive?

Was I wrong to live?

To be happy, to cry, to hug, to kiss?

To love?

Did no one love me, so I was nothing but trash that was meant to be thrown away?

I can feel my heart beat against my chest with immense panic, immense hatred and fear. I clutch onto my chest, tears falling out of my eyes as I fall onto my knees.

"Was I not good enough to live?!" I scream out loud. "Did I truly deserve this? To be alone?!"

No one responds, but I keep yelling out to the abyss, to anyone, for anyone.

"What did I do wrong? I can- I- I can fix myself! I'll stop! I'll stop doing it!"

I don't even know what "it" means, but I keep pleading and yelling chaotic nonsense.

"I'll do anything! I'll stop eating, stop drinking, stop loving or laughing! I'll stop being happy, feeling an-and loving. I'll stop an-anything so I can just wake up!" I try to get up, but my limbs feel numb. I stumble and land back onto my knees.

My emotions that have been built up inside me slowly begin to raise. My body continues to shake with anger and sadness. A desperate need for control over this horrid dream clogs my blood pumping heart.