Dear Zoe Murphy

That One Week That Particularly Sucked For Zoe

Because I suck at titles
Warning: Cursing, mentions of sex
Zoe's POV
Zoe didn't skip therapy that evening. She hauled ass to the bus stop and went all the way to therapy. She wrote a new letter that didn't include anything that her original one said. She couldn't bare to think what would've happened to her letter, now that it was in Clara's hands.
She looked ready to chop Zoe's head off when she saw Evan's name in it. What if she decided to show Evan the later, resulting in Evan thinking she was some creepy stalker who was obsessed with him? Or if she posted the letter online for everyone to see. South Shore High had a tumblr account where people would post all the time. Sometimes they were anonymous confessions, but other times they were secrets that they had to let out.
Once, a girl admitted to having cheated on her boyfriend, and another time, somebody came out on there. What if Clara decided to post a picture of the letter on Tumblr? No, no that was crazy.
Maybe Zoe was just overthinking as always and Clara wasn't going to do anything with the letter at all. Maybe she'd throw it out as soon as she got home and never think about it again. Then both Zoe and Clara could move on from today and pretend like nothing had ever happened between the two of them.
Yeah, that'd be nice.
Zoe's mom had said that she'd be home for dinner, but it was 7PM and she still wasn't home. Zoe had been patiently waiting for her all night. That was until she sent her a text, telling her that she'd be home late, that she could eat without her.
She was used to this by now. Her mom would promise her one thing or another, and for a moment Zoe was certain that it'd come true. But then, at the last minute there'd be a change of plans, leaving her lonely and just a bit hurt. The first couple of times, it really did suck for her. But as time went on, she kind of got used to it. Her mom was always busy, whether it was for work or with her classes. Zoe knew that her mom had more important things than her. She wasn't going to get in her way. So, she did everything she needed to do. She tidied up around the house, she went to therapy, she took her meds, made sure everything was good before her mom came home. Really, she only did it to keep her happy.
She did end up eating tonight, but she didn't order anything. She just made herself a sandwich and played Sims 4 on her computer. No amount of video games could take her mind off of what happened at school today. It was all a big mess of events and emotions that she hadn't quite wrapped her head around just yet.
On one hand, she was over the moon, because she had spoken to Evan Hansen for the first time today. He knew her name. Even though it might've been the most awkward conversation in her life-which was really saying something-it still meant something. Maybe those two or three minutes would lead into something more. The thought of that was fucking incredible. Just the memory of Evan coming over to check if she was amazing.
But then on the other hand, there was Clara. Her name signed in bold black marker was a reminder that things weren't as amazing as Zoe wished they were. It made everything she had written in her letter ten times more real. She was just a loser. Or a geek, or whatever. She wasn't a part of anything, she was the kid who got pushed around. For a second, she was convinced that Clara wasn't that bad. She almost saw the good in her. How she laughed and smiled, or how she offered to sign Zoe's cast.
Despite that, she had already come to the conclusion that Clara was a real bitch. Just as Zoe and everybody else at school suspected.
She wondered how she behaved at home behind closed doors. Was the whole bad-ass demon thing an act? Or was that actually who she was?
The next morning, Zoe woke up ten minutes late and had to skip breakfast. She just grabbed a protein bar from the cupboard and rushed to her bus stop. She still got to school right on time.
She checked Instagram during her bus ride. There was nothing new. A couple of girls posted selfies, others posted some wannabe photographer/artist pictures. However, there was one thing missing.
Evan hadn't posted anything today. Nothing on his story and nothing on his feed. He'd never do that! Posting on Instagram and/or Snapchat was like part of his routine.
The day before yesterday, he had posted a golden hour selfie, which honestly...was so perfect. And yesterday, he had posted a meme about back to school, which was hilarious to Zoe. She liked all of his pictures, but he never noticed. He had the typical Instagram following of 534 people who all liked his pictures. Maybe some were bots, now that she thought of it. Huh.
She didn't think much of it, though. Evan was probably busy or he had forgotten to post. Nothing to worry about, right?
Except she didn't see him in the hallways either, and her locker was only a few down from him. She  always saw him in the morning. Jared was waiting around for him, but he never showed. Okay, maybe he was running late, it happened all the time, even to Zoe.
She had homeroom with Clara, but she wasn't at all surprised when she didn't show up. Her attendance is awful. Either she'd show up second or third period, or she'd just not show up at all.
Zoe let out a sigh of relief when Clara didn't show up. It meant that she wouldn't get shoved in the cafeteria or have anything stolen from her. However, the moment of relief only lasted for about ten minutes before she started overthinking again. 'Natch.
It couldn't have been a coincidence that both Clara and Evan missed school today. Evan had a spotless attendance record, he only missed school one day when he sprained his ankle. Zoe didn't believe in coincidences, she thought that everything happened for a reason.
Maybe she just hadn't seen either of them today? That had to be it. Maybe Evan did come to school late, didn't get to go to his locker, and he was in his class, living his best life. Clara, she was as doing God knows what.
When she did leave homeroom to get to her first period class, she didn't see Evan either, which was odd, because she always saw him. The next five classes were a nerve-racking mess for Zoe, she didn't see Clara or Evan.
Lunch came around, and neither of the siblings were there. This wasn't a coincidence, they really were absent today.
"Can I sit here?", Zoe asked Alana during lunch again. She was eating an apple and on her phone.
She looked up at Zoe over her glasses, and eyebrows raised.
Alana sighed, "I guess", she rolled her eyes.
"Have you seen Evan today? Or-or Clara?", Zoe asked, taking her book bag off and sitting down.
Alana shrugged and shook her head. "Nope, and I could honestly care less".
Zoe frowned, "I have a situation", she began.
Alana didn't have a choice but to listen, so she just sighed and leaned back in her chair. "Go on".
Zoe went on to explain the whole letter thing, and how Clara had stolen it from her right after she signed her cast. She pulled up her sleeve to show her.
Alana stared at her for a moment after she had finished.
"What? Was that letter like-a sex thing?", she smirked.
"No! It's not a sex thing! It's something for my therapist!", Zoe said defensively. She spoke quietly, she didn't want any other people near them thinking Zoe wrote weird letters to herself like it was some sex thing.
"Woah-calm down", Alana held her hands up, palms facing Zoe. They were much lighter than the rest of her body.
"Look-Clara is going to ruin your life with that weird sex letter", Alana explained, "I mean, I know I would".
Alana's words haunted Zoe all throughout seventh and eighth period. The rest of the day was a blur, where she couldn't seem to catch her breath or relax.
When her mother asked her how her day was that evening, she said it was fine and didn't care to say anything more.
The next two days were the exact same for Zoe. No signs of Evan or Clara anywhere. Just Alana assuring her that Clara was going to use the letter against her and just a bunch of completely unnecessary comments.
Every day that passed, Zoe worried more and more. What if they had transferred schools to get away from her because of her letter? No, her letter couldn't have been that big of a deal for them.
Maybe Clara got the flu, and then she got Evan sick, which explained why they were both out. That made the most sense.
But then, she worried that Clara was going to pop out of nowhere, handing everybody at school a copy of Zoe's letter. There, she'd convince everyone that Zoe was a freak, just like she said she was a few days ago. However, nobody ever found out. There weren't any posts about Zoe on Tumblr. Evan remained socially dark, but she convinced herself that he had the flu.
Nobody would've posted on social media while they had the flu, obviously.
Thursday, Zoe had almost calmed down about the whole Clara situation. They had the flu, they'd be back to school tomorrow, Monday at most. She had absolutely nothing to worry about. Clara probably forgot all about the letter by now. Evan didn't know, nobody knew about the letter except Alana and Clara. Zoe had nothing to worry about, she was just overreacting as always.
Third period, she was in a pretty positive state of mind. She took art as an elective and she was busy doing a self portrait. She couldn't seem to get her nose right. Either it was too short, or too wide. If she kept erasing it, she'd end up ruining her workspace and she'd have to start from scratch. Which she really didn't want to do, she has spent two weeks just sketching it out.
She carefully brought an eraser to her nose, gently rubbing it against the paper until it was completely gone, then carefully drawing it back on. She hummed as she worked, finally happy with how the nose turned out.
The PA system came on, and immediately the room quieted down.
"Will Zoe Murphy please report to the main office? Zoe Murphy to the main office".
She didn't notice that her name had been called right away. A silence fell over the classroom. She looked up when she realized this, and everybody was starting right at her. She turned bright red, and Mrs. Klein looked at Zoe expectantly.
"Zoe, main office", she pointed her chin towards the door.
Zoe immediately started to worry again. Had she done something wrong? She went through a mental checklist of all the things she might've done wrong in the first four days of school that were main office worthy as she gathered her things. She put her book bag over her shoulder and headed out the door.
She froze in the hallway.
Shit.
Did this have something to do with the letter? Did Clara tell the school? Fuck. Shit. Fuck fuck fuck fuck.
She took her time walking down the hall and up a flight of stairs to the main office.
She came into the office with her heart hammering inside her chest.
The secretary looked up at her and gave her a small smile. She was young, not older than 30, and really pretty, in Zoe's opinion.
She gestured towards the principal's office with it's closed wooden door.
"Right in there, Miss, they're waiting for you".
They?
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Word Count: 2092
Wow I suck so anyway this chapter is kinda bad and I apologize for that but I'm in a time crunch and very sick so this is what you get
Bye bye now
-Peggo