last of his kind [yoonseok] {diary au}

chapter 3

it's been a week since jimin and namjoon lost their trust in hoseok. a week since they were staying with hoseok. a week since hoseok's every move was monitored by one of them. he couldn't even step into the washroom without them frantically checking if he secretly had a knife with him. he felt as if his privacy just disappeared.

it's also been 2 weeks since hoseok lost yoongi, the love of his life. he hasn't seen the sun in two weeks, but he couldn't care less. the sun was the least of his problems at the moment when he lost his sun. yoongi always said that he was the moon and hoseok was the sun, but hoseok never realized how lonely it was without the moon until now.

he would occasionally look out of his window to look at the moon in the sky. it reminded him about yoongi. the way he was beautiful even when he just woke up. the way he would always have a slight pout no matter what the occasion was. and his smile. his beautiful gummy smile. it was as if one smile from him could easily make all the exhaustion hoseok faced within seconds.

another tear rolled down hoseok's cheeks. even with namjoon and jimin there to support him, his life was falling apart. it didn't matter how hard the two of them tried to bring back the old him. that part of him died along with yoongi ages ago. he couldn't even remember the feeling of happiness anymore. everything was just so.. dull.

hoseok got up and went to the kitchen to grab a bottle of beer. he wanted to drown out everything so badly. soon, he realized that namjoon and jimin already threw out all of the beer he bought. without the alcoholic drinks, he had no way of coping with yoongi's death. cutting and smoking was always an option, but his friends would go crazy if they found out.

not bothering to take the risk, hoseok sighed and went back to his bedroom. he didn't even have the energy to jump onto the bed anymore. he remembered how happy he was to graduate as a professional dancer. he was so much brighter back then, especially with yoongi around. with yoongi, it felt as if he could easily conquer the world. now that he was gone, it was as if he couldn't do anything.

jimin entered hoseok's room and dragged him out, much to his dismay. "hoseok, go outside and go grocery shopping with me. i know you don't want to, but i want you to at least try to get back into the gist of things. we won't be outside for more than two hours, i promise. it's only going to be a brief trip, alright?" jimin asked, almost begging hoseok.

hoseok sighed. "fine, i'll go with you. you better do all the interactions with everyone else though. there's no way in hell that i'm talking to anyone else but you. even the thought of it is terrifying." he threatened, although jimin didn't care that much. he was just glad that hoseok agreed to go outside with him.

jimin pulled him outside and skipped around the neighbourhood, dragging hoseok behind him. hoseok just gloomily walked behind him with his head down. hoseok could literally feel eyes staring daggers at him, but he ignored them the best he could. he didn't even want to think about it. he subconciously started trembling.

jimin noticed this and started panicking. "hoseok? are you alright? you're shaking and you're really pale. do you want me to send you back home?" jimin asked, looking around. they were already too far away from home to just sprint back like nothing happened. jimin definitely didn't trust hoseok with going home by himself either. still, he didn't really have a choice.

"i-i'll take the bus home. you just go and buy the groceries on your own. i won't do anything stupid, i promise." hoseok said, turning away from jimin to go back home. he heard jimin calling after him, but he ignored him. when he was far away from jimin, he started running. he didn't know why, he just did.

once he got to the bus station, he sat down on one of the seats and waited. he didn't notice how long he sat there. or how dark it was getting. he didn't pay attention to anything except for his thoughts. he didn't even notice the very obvious stench of garbadge all around him. he didn't notice any of it.

soon, it started raining but he didn't care. he just sat there by himself, alone with his thoughts. he didn't notice that another person came to keep him company at the bus station in the rain. he turned his head to look at a soaking wet young boy, seemingly still in highschool. most likely his senior year.

"hey! it sure is rainy today, isn't it? my name is kim taehyung, what's yours?" he asked brightly. hoseok couldn't help but laugh for the first time in 2 weeks. not at his way of speaking, but how naive he was. he didn't know a thing about what kind of shit awaited him in life. he was so naive to be stuck in his false sense of happiness.

"jung hoseok. nice to meet you, taehyung." hoseok replied briefly, not even sparing him a glance. "hey, you should at least look at me when you're talking to me! but i'm glad to finally be able to meet the jung hoseok that namjoon-hyung told me so much about!" taehyung cheered excitedly, making hoseok sigh.

the moment the bus came, hoseok hopped on and went back home, not even saying goodbye to the boy. for some reason, his heart was beating at an unreasonable rate. it was unacceptable when he just lost the love of his life. how could he betray yoongi and move on so quickly? he couldn't do that to him.

he opened the door to his apartment and went straight to his room. he didn't bother listening to jimin and namjoon's scolding. the only thing that mattered to him at the moment was the diary that he had. he hasn't written in it in a week, but he finally had inspiration to write something briefly.

dear yoongi, my love,

it's been two weeks since you died. two weeks since my life turned upside down. i wonder if you enjoy seeing me like this. seeing me so broken and pathetic. does it excite you? today, i met a boy named kim taehyung today under the bus stop in the rain. it reminded me of how we met. it wasn't under a bus stop, but it was in the park. we were in high school, and it was the rainy season of that year, in april. i remember how beautiful you looked under the rain. even with all of your clothes soaked, you looked like an angel. my angel. i remember how i insisted on giving you my umbrella. to this day, it's still one of the best decisions i've ever made, because that brought you and i together. i won't ever forget the times we had together. my heart.... it started beating faster when i saw taehyung. but i don't want it to beat faster. i only want to feel that way around you. on the other hand, i can't deny the emotions that i'm feeling. i'm supposed to be grieving over you, but instead i'm finding love with someone new. i'm selfish, aren't i? stupid. selfish. insensitive. it describes me pretty well, doesn't it? still, i'm not ready to let go of our love yet. my heart is calling for taehyung, but my mind still wants you the most. i'm torn, yoongi. tell me what you want me to do. i'll be satisfied with even a slight answer. please. i'm begging you.

                             your selfish boyfriend, jung hoseok.