last of his kind [yoonseok] {diary au}

chapter 5

hoseok's day was the same as usual. he practiced his dance to spring day and took breaks in between. nothing unusual except for his usual grieving over yoongi. he's gotten so attached to yoongi that he couldn't stand not seeing yoongi everyday. then again, yoongi's death couldn't have been planned. right?

he never would've thought that jungkook would invite him to hang out with him and taehyung. he didn't even know why jungkook offered him the invitation. sure, jungkook was probably sure that he had a fat crush on taehyung, but hoseok knew that he was way too old for this kind of shit.

they went to the amusement park together, the three of them. for some reason, jungkook ditched them which meant that they were going to have to hang around alone. hoseok knew what kind of sneaky scheme that jungkook was pulling, but he didn't bother to point it out. he didn't have the energy to.

hoseok and taehyung wandered around the park. since hoseok hated the idea of going on rollarcoasters, they decided to stick with something less intense. he didn't want to admit it, but he couldn't even go to the amusement park without thinking about yoongi. it proved exactly how much influence yoongi had over hoseok.

the last ride they went on for the day was the classic ferris wheel. the place where hoseok and yoongi had their first ever kiss. now, he was going on it with taehyung instead of yoongi. for some reason, he felt as if he was betraying yoongi. even though yoongi would probably want him to move on with his life, he still felt guilty.

taehyung noticed how down hoseok was and tried to strike up a conversation. "hey, hoseok-hyung. do you like going on the ferris wheel? to me, it seems like a ride that's more popular with couples instead of friends. it's more of a romantic ride, you know. i find it really cute when couples kiss on the ferris wheel."

"yeah, ferris wheels are a ride meant for couples, but the memories i have on this ferris wheels aren't happy ones anymore. they're painful to even think about. everywhere i go, i'm reminded of things that i don't want to think about. it's so shitty when you want to move on with your life but there's a number of things holding you back from doing so." hoseok sighed, rubbing his temples as he got on the ride.

"hmm, i don't know what's going on in your private life, but i feel like you broke up with your partner or something. it takes time to let go of things that mean a lot to you, hoseok-hyung. you can't expect yourself to get over it within a day." taehyung tried to advise, making hoseok scoff.

"i wish it was small enough to get over it within a day. i didn't break up with my partner, because i wouldn't have in the first place. he committed suicide just a few weeks ago. he didn't even tell me why, which is why i'm so bummed out about it. to be honest, i really thought i'd spend the rest of my life with him." hoseok revealed, sighing again.

"he? hoseok-hyung, are you gay?" taehyung asked curiously. normally, hoseok wouldn't even bother replying to those kind of questions, but the curiousity in taehyung's eyes were too much for him to handle. "yeah, i'm gay. i have zero interest in girls. i already know you're straight, so i'm not even going to bother. it doesn't hurt to let you know the truth, because it wasn't a fated relationship to begin with." hoseok replied.

"wait, did you take an interest in me?" taehyung gasped in shock, apologizing once he realized how offensive that sounded. "yeah, i did. jungkook told me that you were straight though, so it doesn't matter anymore. unless you go through this state of existential crisis over your sexuality, we're not going to end up together. don't get too worked up over a relationship that isn't going to work out." hoseok replied bluntly.

"it's true that i'm straight, but don't you think you're shutting it off before you even had the chance to know if i won't change my sexuality? i realized one thing while i hung around you these last few times. you're unbelievably negative, although that kind of makes sense considering that you lost the love of your life." taehyung reasoned, making hoseok snort in amusement.

"it's not easy for a gay man to change the sexuality of a straight man. don't say it as if it's so easy. if a girl tried to change my sexuality, i would turn her down in a heartbeat. i'm content with my sexuality and you probably are as well. you don't need to change it just because someone likes you. well, if you don't want to that is." hoseok retorted, silencing taehyung.

"i'm just saying, you shouldn't give up before you even tried. have you ever even tried about trying to make me change my sexuality? you're so negative about everything that it's sometimes concerning, hoseok-hyung." taehyung argued back, fueling up the argument again.

they continued with their little debate until they got off the ferris wheel. they walked to the exit together where they saw jungkook waiting for them. when jungkook spotted them in the crowd, he waved at them making hoseok's blood boil from anger. he walked towards jungkook and practically tackled him.

"you left me with taehyung for the majority of the day and you have the audacity to wave at us. don't think i didn't notice your sneaky little schemes, you brat. it's pretty obvious if you ask me." hoseok said, nudging jungkook's head, making him cry out playfully from the pain.

hoseok was satisfied when taehyung started laughing at jungkook instead of helping him, causing jungkook to look at him as if he just left him to die. "hey! you're supposed to be on my side here! stop laughing at me!" jungkook complained, pouting. it just made taehyung laugh harder.

after leaving the amusement park in the most extra way ever, hoseok said goodbye to the two highschool students and went home on his own. he was somewhat content with his life, despite losing the love of his life. he knew that it would've been so much better if yoongi was still around to support him, but it was pointless to hope for it when he was already gone.

still, it was a big improvement than his state from just a few weeks ago. he remembered how he almost developed an alcohol addiction. luckily jimin and namjoon stopped him before it was too late for him to turn back. he couldn't even imagine what his current life would be like if jimin and namjoon weren't there to stop him.

once again, he walked home and rushed to his room like his life depended on it. then, he accidently slammed the door a bit too hard which made him flinch. he shouted out an apology to namjoon and jimin before sitting down at his desk to write a new entry in his diary. it was becoming a frequent habit that often refreshed his mind after.

dear yoongi, the love of my life

i've said this so many times before and i'll say it again: i miss you. i went to the amusement park with taehyung and a friend of mine today. i can't get you off my mind even at the amusement park. it was the place where we shared our first kiss together, plus the fireworks in the night sky. it was so surreal to be honest. i couldn't believe that our first kiss could be so magical. i remember how many butterflies were fluttering in my stomach in that moment. it was truly one of the best experiences i've ever had. the kiss was sloppy and quick, but it was amazing nonetheless. it rips me apart when i think about how i'll never be able to kiss you in that way ever again. i miss the feeling of your touch, your lips on mine, the way you snuggled into me when we hugged. i miss everything about you. if i could go back in time to change things, i would in a heartbeat. i would never let myself make the same mistake a second time, i swear. i went on the ferris wheel with taehyung today, but the feeling i got was so different. it was colder, and much more distant. it was nothing like the affectionate night we had in that ferris wheel. it wasn't magical like ours, but it was also beautiful at the same time. the silence we had was comforting, although we did start debating afterwards. yoongi, i wonder if you're reading this. if you're watching me up there in heaven. i hope you are. if you are, i'll do my best to become a better man. for you and for me. for the sake of us. once i meet you again, i swear that i'll never make you sad. i'll never make you cry. not once, not ever. i promise you. i'll be sure to do my part to fulfill it too, as long as you're okay with it.

                          your hopeful boyfriend, jung hoseok.