last of his kind [yoonseok] {diary au}

chapter 7

it's already been a month and a half since yoongi died. hoseok and taehyung started getting a lot closer and taehyung seemed to be giving hoseok hints about liking him back. of course, hoseok ignored all of taehyung's hints, thinking that there was no way that taehyung would like him back.

it's not like either of them had the time and energy to date. although hoseok got better at coping, he definitely wasn't over yoongi yet. taehyung on the other hand just heard of his favourite ocousin's death, so the wounds were still fresh. hoseok checked on him whenever he could to make sure that taehyung wasn't harming himself.

on top of that, hoseok was a fulltime dancer. he would practice in the studio and reviewed it to himself when he got home. taehyung on the other hand had to balance schoolwork and his part-time job. there was no way that dating between the two of them could be possible when they barely even had the chance to see each other.

that night, hoseok planned to gather everyone together to have dinner. he even asked jin, the songwriter of spring day if he could come as well. he was relieved when jin agreed without any need of persuading or sugarcoated words. it was probably because of jungkook, but hoseok was thankful regardless.

of course, hoseok planned the night on one of the days where taehyung had a day off, which was saturday. the dinner wasn't going to be anything fancy because hoseok didn't have the money to do that. instead, they were just going to have some hot pot at one of the best hot pot restaurants in the city. it was simple, but the taste was all that mattered.

hoseok, namjoon and jimin went to the restaurant together. of course, jimin drove because he was the best driver out of the three of them and none of them was willing to hand the wheel over to namjoon. they were all sure that he was going to kill them if they trusted him with the wheel.

jin, taehyung and jungkook drove to the restaurant together with jungkook in the front and taehyung sleeping in the back. neither of the youngsters had the time to take their driver's lessons yet so jin drove the car for them. plus, jungkook took pride in his older brother's very good driving skills. jin's driving was very stable even when he drove at a high speed, something that some drivers didn't have.

after they all arrived, jungkook opened the door to jin's car and shook awake taehyung. he literally jumped when hoseok tapped his shoulder. his reaction made everyone except himself and taehyung roll over in laughter. taehyung was still half asleep which was why he didn't laugh along with them, something jungkook was thankful for.

hoseok helped the sleepy taehyung out of the car and walked him to the restaurant. the place was extremely busy that night, but luckily hoseok reserved a spot for them beforehand. they all walked over to their spot and sat down. by then, taehyung was already wide awake and was able to move around without hoseok's help.

they ordered their food and started talking while they waited. hoseok noticed that namjoon and jin were particularly close to each other despite just meeting each other. jin actually surprisingly was the master of dad jokes and namjoon just so happened to find dad jokes funny. together, they made quite a great duo.

jimin and jungkook also seemed to get along with each other extremely well despite their 5 year age gap. it was probably because jimin normally acted more like a child rather than an adult. or maybe because jimin's appearance made him look younger than he actually was. it didn't really matter to hoseok as long as they had a good time together.

as for him and taehyung... well, their relationship was complicated. they were close friends and all, but their relationship was strained. mainly because of yoongi's death and taehyung's struggles with his sexuality. for now, the two of them were putting off taehyung's issues with his sexuality. neither of them knew when they were going to figure it out, but it wasn't going to be anytime soon.

soon, the food they ordered arrived and they all dug in to the side dishes while they waited for the main dishes to cook. of course, hoseok didn't let them eat too much of the side dishes to make sure that they still had room to eat their actual meal. did they listen to hoseok though? not really until hoseok got mad.

all of them had lots of fun that night, chatting and making jokes. most of them just groaned at jin's occasional dad jokes while namjoon chuckled quietly at them. taehyung loosened up a lot that night and also enjoyed himself. hoseok noticed that recently, taehyung was very uptight. maybe because there was a lot of stuff going on in his life. or maybe because there were a lot of stuff on his mind. whatever it was, hoseok didn't have the right to interfere.

although hoseok also had a good time just like everyone else, he felt like something was missing. he remembered how he used to eat in the exact same hot pot restaurant with namjoon, jimin and yoongi whenever he got a raise for his dancing. he remembered how they would celebrate and get wasted while jimin drove them home. he missed those days more than he thought. the days where yoongi was with him.

now, he was slowly moving on while carrying the pain he received from yoongi's death. although he knew that a part of him would forever be missing, he also knew that holding on wasn't a option. he knew that it wasn't good for him to hold onto yoongi anymore. he remembered how devastated he was when he found out about yoongi's death. how yoongi's normally warm skin was cold to the touch. even now, it sometimes haunted him in his dreams.

soon, it was time for them to leave. namjoon and jin exchanged their numbers while everyone else giggled and started teasing them. jimin and jungkook also secretly exchanged numbers while everyone was busy teasing namjoon and jin, but hoseok noticed them and smirked to himself. he was glad that everyone had a great time. putting so much time to plan it was worth it.

jimin drove the giddy namjoon home along with hoseok and they went straight to bed. well, jimin and namjoon did, but not hoseok. that night, he decided to write another note in his diary to yoongi. the notes were becoming more inconsistent, but the meaning and emotions behind it were all so raw and real.

dear yoongi,

slowly but surely, i'm moving on. i'm no longer grieving over your death anymore. instead, i've accepted it. i can't be selfish and hold you back from flying anymore. from now on, i'll officially let you go. that doesn't mean i'll stop missing you though. i don't think i ever will. it just means i won't fret and get anxious over the little things anymore, such as going outside without you. i knew this day would eventually come, but a small part of me still wants to hold onto you, but i can't. taehyung's suffering because of me, yoongi. he's struggling with his sexuality, which means i have to be there for him. to be honest, it feels as if i'm betraying you, but i'm not. i knew that it was bound to happen someday. the day where i'll eventually move on and find love with another. during the time we had together, i truly thought of you as my second half. if you didn't commit suicide that day, we would've been engaged by now. it's really a shame that it can't happen anymore. it's fine though, since i'm not broken over you anymore. i've found peace in the midst of all this chaos within me. now, it's time for me to move on from you. this is a new era in my life, and this time i'm spending it with taehyung. i'll still love you forever, yoongi. don't forget it.

                                           your boyfriend, jung hoseok