when all the shadows shift

𝟔.𝟏𝟏.𝟗𝟗

when I was a kid, the sky blinked / lightening knocked the teeth from my gums / my hands shook / my breath shook / the whole world shook / but I could still smile / laugh / wounds healed without stitches / when I grew up, I noticed pain / love felt like it mattered / the songs said it didn't / I believed a liar / the liar ripped me to shreds / there was this howling in my head / my bones bled / you bled / I held you / you knew pain / you liked pain / I couldn't sleep even when sleep strangled me / the sun felt the same / a burning warmth meant to heal / but all it ever did was harm / skin burnt / eyes burnt / hope burnt into a blue flame / I am a blue flame / I am hazardous to your health / I never meant to hurt you but / isn't that what we all say? / you're hurting and / I'm hating the way your name tastes / the songs weren't lying / but they were sugarcoating it / love destroys / love kills / I learnt some wounds never heal / they just fester until it's too late / it's too late / you're in my head / filling my bloodstream / I'm afraid of everything and it shows / I'm flinching at shadows / cowering beneath clouds / I'm letting you go but I'm the bad guy / always the bad guy / you'll hate me in the end / I'll admit I never saw that coming / we were kids when we met / two lost souls / you were broken and I, whole / or as whole as a body can be / I tried to mend you / how foolish / the water was always over my head / I haven't inhaled in years / I want you gone / I'm a monster / I don't want you to hate me / I think you do / I don't blame you / you're in pain / I'm a ghost / you're fading all on your own / when I was a kid, the sky blinked / now, the sky carries me home.—I never meant to hurt you, but isn't that what we all say?