Fall (Ereri)

Chapter 9 Trigger warning

Warning: This chapter may contain triggering stuff!

        Weeks past, fall went on it's way and winter took it's place. Snow started to crowd the streets of Manhattan. Everything was occurring naturally,  the way the seasons changed. It was all normal and no one saw different. As goes with Eren and Levi's relationship.  They looked like a young normal couple in public, loving, caring. But behind what people saw it looked like a one sided relationship.

        Eren remained oblivious to Levi and Erwins bet. He was falling head over heels in love. To the point where he would do anything for Levi, steal, lie, maybe even die. Levi felt sympathy for the kid, but knew he was stupid, so took an easy advantage of him.

         Eren was still desperately  trying to to make Levi say those three words. Never once did Levi budge in to say them. It felt wrong to him, saying "I love you" to a person who if he didn't befriend, would just consider as another peasant meant to be dealt with. Although Levi made many attempts not to just yell out at Eren the truth behind why he was so 'affectionate' he still held back. He wanted Erwin so badly. Eren just simply ignored Levi always being annoyed about something. Eren thought it was cute, Levi on the other side,  was just plain annoyed.

        To Eren,  Levi always looked so numb, lifeless,  and just unimpressed all together. He did a lot to try and cheer Levi up, nothing worked. Eventually Eren gave up. He himself became as numb and lifeless as Levi. Eren thought Levi was just someone who never showed their emotions, never wanted to show their emotions because they're afraid of being thought of differently. That wasn't the case though. Over the years of being lonely, Levi just simply forgot how to feel certain emotions towards people. He forgot how to feel altogether. He really was just emotionless. That's why he cared for Erwin so much. Erwin was the one to set him free from his lonesome world and make him feel alive again.

        Eren stood in front of his bathroom mirror, blood dripping from small and large cuts on his thighs, creating a crimson puddle on the white tiled floor. He whispered to himself "this isn't right." It wasn't right; Levi toying with him. Levi was out somewhere not with Eren. Eren figured he was probably with Erwin.  Every now and then Levi would disappear for night or two without a reason. Eren stared at the reflection,  an unknown figure stared blankly back at him. He came to the realization that the 'so skinny it looked unhealthy' boy covered in his own blood,  was just simply him.

        This wasn't who he wanted to be. Levi had ruined him even more than he already was. Eren wanted to feel something; he wanted to just feel. He wanted love, but wasn't receiving any from anybody. The first time he took a blade to his skin he actually liked it. It gave him something to do beside stress about Levi and school. Although he liked the feeling, he didn't want it to become a habit. He wasn't one of those people who intentionally cut themselves, take a picture and post it on the internet with a black and white filter and a sad caption over it. He hated that. He hated himself more than anything. He felt like he was to blame for everything that has happened up till now.

        Dark thoughts clouded his mind; voices pinned him down and told him to do unnecessary things that involved his life on the line. Eren wouldn't let the voices win, he didn't want his life to end. He wanted a chance to fix what he fucked up with Levi and Mikasa, but he needed to stop cutting first. The amount of time it would take before he decided that the blade wasn't really his friend,  he was unsure of. He wanted to stop so badly,  but the cold blade running against his skin was more addicting than nicotine. He looked down at the puddle of blood on the floor. He dazed out while staring at the thin legs that were coated with layers of dry and fresh blood.

        Eren snapped his empty daze as he heard the lock to the apartment door click and footsteps leading in. "Damnit!" Eren whispered to himself. He had forgotten that a while ago he gave Levi a spare key to his apartment. Eren quickly turned around and locked the bathroom door.  The door made an unusually large click, giving away Erens hiding place. The footsteps got closer and closer to the bathroom door. He was fucked.  He didn't want anybody to know what a mess he made.

        "Eren, are you hiding in here?"

Eren pushed his body against the door in case Levi would try and push his way in. "Don't come in, please!" Eren pleaded.

        "What the fuck are you doing?"

        "Nothing!"

        "Are you jerking off?"

        In a panic, Eren didn't want to answer that but still replied with an awkward "uh.. sure.. yeah I am!"

        Levi sighed, "Jesus fucking Christ you're disgusting!  Just make sure you shower after okay?"

        Eren sighed in relief. 'May as well clean up' he thought. He pulled off the remaining clothing he had on and threw them in a bunch on the floor and set the blade on the sink. He got in the shower and turned it on. He stood under the cold water as it slowly changed temperature. He shivered as the ice cold water touched his skin and brushed down his body. Blood dripped off his legs and joined the stream of water and blood to the drain. The cuts stung like all hell, but he still didn't have the motivation to care. He finished showering quickly. He opened the curtain and was hit by the cold air and a puddle of blood. He reached out to grab a towel.  Fuck. Out of towels. 

         Eren sighed,  hopefully Levi was still in the apartment so he could get him a towel. Eren stepped out of the shower and over the pile of blood to the door. He unlocked the door and called for Levi. Levi sighed as he got off the couch that was recently put in Erens apartment. He walked over to a small cabinet and grabbed Eren a white towel. Eren waited patiently at the bathroom door.  Levi knocked and Eren quickly opened it and snatched the towel from Levi's hand, locking the door as soon as he shut it. Eren grumbled, "white towel,  really?!"

        Eren quickly dried himself off. Now, how was he going to clean up the blood on the floor? He facepalmed 'damnit Eren!' He wrapped the towel around his waist covering as many cuts as he could. He slowly opened the bathroom door, shut off the lights, and made sure to close the door. He walked past the living room, ignoring Levi, and to a small pantry in the kitchen and pulled out a mop. Before he started mopping the blood, he'd at least want to put pants on. He set the mop down, ran to his room, quickly put on some boxers and a pair of Pj pants. Eren walked back to the bathroom, grabbing the mop on the way. It took no more than ten minutes to clean up the blood. Although the mop did clean most of the blood, there remained a slight orangey/red stain on the tiles. A bathroom rug could cover that.

        Eren walked back to the kitchen and put the mop back into the pantry. Eren then walked to the couch that Levi was laying on. He stopped and stared at the thin, pale face. Annoyed grey eyes stared back. The way those eyes stared at Eren so blankly. Eren knew that there was no love. He could see the coldness towards himself in Levi's eyes. So little to say, but so much time to say it. Despite Erens empty mouth, words spun across his mind. Words that meant hurt, sad, angry. Eren wanted to yell at Levi; wanted to scream how much he loved him. Instead,  tears started to form in the corners of Erens eyes. Levi sat up,"Eren, whats wrong?"

        Eren collapsed to his knees. The trembling body in front of Levi made him sigh in boredom.  He's seen it before, dealt with it; a crying child/brat. Levi knelt down in front of Eren and wrapped his arms around him. Instead of excepting Levi's warm arms he pushed them away. Eren looked straight at Levi, "Why can't you love me!?"

        Levi's expression remained deadpan as he stood up and walked to the door, "text me when you grow up and learn that smart people don't date strangers." Levi was on the verge of yelling out information about the bet, but replaced the information with "also, make sure you learn that sometimes people will date you just because they pity you, I never loved you."

A.n

Did i hurt your feels?Sorry.