Bi-Curious (BoyxBoy)

♥︎ Chapter 30 • Moonchild ♥︎

Content Warning: May affect people with depression and could possibly bring about dangerous, intrusive thoughts. Please do not read if you will be affected. Just DM us and we'll tell you. 🖤🖤🖤🖤

______________________________

I was a moonchild,
A lost child with dreams of something grand,
Exploring the terrain of Neverland
In this land, I met a boy,
Oh, I met this boy,
He too was on the moon and brought me nothing but joy

We were just kids,
Playing cowboy wranglers and pirates at sea,
But together is something we could not be
I flew to the moon,
We flew to the moon,
We ran, we jumped, we soared
But the boy, my boy, he just wanted to be more,

But I wasn't ready to grow up

I have lead in my shoes
This boy was filled with helium,
Uplifting
But I couldn't, no, I can't keep up
I want to be with him,
But I'm stuck,
Boy, I am stuck

And you left me

I didn't want to hold you back,
But I didn't think you'd really do that,
Our days of playing pretend,
Our memories meaning nothing to you in the end
I loved you then
I love you now
But I can't grow up

I flew to the moon,
Just to be brought down to Earth
I'm sick of crying,
I'm sick of trying...

______________________________

Bi-Curious
Chapter 30:
"Moonchild"

Charlie

I woke up alone this morning.

It's funny how such a simple sentence causes me to feel so empty and emotionally hollow. This wasn't a problem before. I was always waking up alone, but now I'm always cold. I don't have Ethan to keep me warm and I don't have anyone to say good morning to.

Transitioning wasn't easy. There were many days where I'd wake up and start talking to an Ethan who wasn't even there. Half asleep, my hand would tiredly search to comb through his hair. However, there was no Ethan and this harsh reality would hit me in the gut, ruining whatever pleasant dream I may have had.

I guess I still have this fucked up idea that Ethan will come home, that he's just taking a break right now. So I take good care of my appearance, this intense fear that if I don't, Ethan may come back, take one look at me, and then walk right back out the front door.

I wouldn't let him though.

If Ethan comes back and tries to leave me again, I'll cry and scream. He's not allowed to leave me. He promised that he wouldn't. But it's all my fault.

"Sounds like the only thing holding you back from what you want... is you."

It is me that's holding me back. It's my depression. It's my fear of bringing him down to where I am. If only I was healthy. If only I was happy, then he'd still be here with me. Too many times, I had to force myself to smile with Ethan, not because he wasn't enough to make me happy, but because I just couldn't. It's not fair. I'm not allowed to have him. But I want him so fucking much that it's driving me crazy.