Breaking Free from Everyday

Chapter 18: Fell

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Chapter 18: Fell

Parker

I was so mad at her. I had been so good. I tried to be kind. I sometimes said nice words. I even tried to smile.

And she did the worst thing she could possibly do: she made me feel bad for her.

Why did she have to get a concussion?

And why did I care?

Because I didn't. I shouldn't care. It did me no good, at all, to even try. She ruined me. I was a wreck.

It was August. August 18th to be exact. I knew it had to be over soon. I knew she had to go back. I was young, but I wasn't stupid.

Last night, I had asked her on a spur of the moment "YOLO" kind of date. I was scared shitless. When I had gone up to her door, and saw her wearing that deep blue sundress of hers, I think I nearly fainted. The seashell necklace I had given her was sitting on her collar bone, her hair was straight and thick, her smile made everything around her shine, and I think my jaw dropped.

Actually I know it did. I stared for forever.

It wasn't a secret that I was totally enamored with a girl I had only known for two months. I was 15, sure, but I'd be damned if I didn't know what this was, this falling feeling that made my head dizzy.

"Hey." Her voice was soft.

"Hi." My voice was starstruck.

I was a lost cause.

I took her hand in mine, and with our fingers intertwined, we walked everywhere, just like that.

I remember how she kept smiling at me, more than normal, and sometimes she'd get this faraway look in her eyes, like she was 1000 miles away. I would poke her side and listen to her laugh, distracting her from that long lost place in her mind.

This particular night, August 18th, we had just gotten ice cream and sat on a rock at the beach. I asked her something. "Mel, when are you leaving?"

She stiffened, that was obvious, but I figured she was just upset by the mentioning of it. "Oh Parker, stop. Do we have to talk about that right now?"

Then she snatched my spoon and ran off, with me chasing her, right on her heels, the conversation totally forgotten.

I should have known then.

Stop it, Parker. Don't think these things.

I was running. I had been running a lot recently, with my headphones on full blast, pushing my body to it's limits and further,trying to make everything go away.

But it never did.

As I walked her home, she took labored steps, like her ankles weighed 30 pounds. I kept at her pace. I wasn't going to pass up spending a few extra minutes with her.

We got to the light post in front of her rental house, and I was sad. I always hated saying goodbyes.

I took the hand that was locked between my fingers in both my hands, and pulled Mel closer to me, so that we were maybe 6 inches apart. Close, but never close enough.

She looked up at me, with those sad sky blue eyes, and I squeezed her hand hard, as I watched her bottom lip start to tremble.

I smiled at her, and let go to stroke her cheek softly with my fingertips. "I'll see you tomorrow, Melon. Don't you dare start those puppy dog eyes on me. it's not like this is goodbye. We still have tomorrow, and the next day, and the next day and..." My thumb grazed her neck and I stared deeply into her troubled eyes, forgetting words were even supposed to be coming out of my mouth.