random headcanons

3.4K 47 305
                                    

i just really like thinking about stupid things about my favorite characters
so here's some random unimportant headcanons, comment if u agree with any
also i can't fucking write so here's a dumb excuse for writing

Kakashi

-smells like weed for no particular reason cough

-a virgin (he reads porn all the time, honestly, why wouldn't he be a virgin)

-probably broke

-pours milk before cereal

Iruka

-also a virgin (honestly asuma's the only one who could get laid)

-bottom

-CANNOT cook and is SUFFERING because of it

-overall a disaster but he's trying and we love him for it

Shino

-has named all his bug friends and mourns every single one of their deaths

-craves attention but will not make an attempt to get it (grumbles about how nobody pays attention to him as a result)

-wears shades so you can't see him crying

-kiba convinced him to wear clout goggles once

Kiba

-furry

-eats cereal, drinks milk, then breakdances to mix it all together in his stomach

-drinks gamer girl piss

-cries over aspca commercials

Naruto

-can't do long division

-doesn't understand how computers work (boruto-era) ("the internet is a series of tuBes")

-completely depends on his wife to take care of him, somehow did not learn how to take care of himself during his whole childhood when he didn't have parents

-honestly all of these are canon why am i even trying

Sasuke

-watches chick flicks

-also can't do long division

-bi

-bottom

-pours milk before cereal (he learned from the best)

-no concept of fashion or style

Sakura

-top

-100% book smarts, 0% street smarts (fully depends on ino for social etiquette)

-watches crime shows

-not great at cooking but she tries

-had a horse girl phase

Shikamaru

-smokes weed

-eats uncrustables ("this tastes like shit" "then why do you eat them???" "incoherent grumbling")

-can cook but will not (see above solution)

-sleeps til 12 so he doesn't have to make breakfast

will probably be updated frequently

NARUTO ONESHOTSWhere stories live. Discover now