The void

Chapter Three

Getting out of the void was now completely impossible if in the end it was just the void. However, that's not exactly the only trouble I had. It became known to at least as the disquiet. the disquiet was different than the void. Where the void was all darkness and sadness the disquiet was loud. It was a pool of anxiety causing me to doubt everything. I doubted that my friends cared and how I could be destroying their lives instead of making them better. I became even more affected than I already was. I became surrounded by the void and the disquiet. It was like they had teamed up on me. The disquiet would put terrible thoughts in my head and make them go around and around and around. Then the void would take those thoughts spinning in my head and change them to make me blame and hate myself more and more. It began to eat at me inside every day all day long soon I only had one way to escape it and that was sleep. I spent all my free time sleeping whether it was after school, on the weekends, and even when we went to family parties. No one really noticed how much I seemed to be sleeping daily. Eventually I began to with drawl from everyone all my friends and even my family. The harder my friends tried to get me to talk the more I disappeared. I saw the pain I was causing in their eyes and I knew I was only making it worse but in my messed-up mind I thought they would be better off in the end. Then those dreadful thoughts came worse than ever and becoming dangerous to me. Sleep no longer was an escape those thoughts could get to me even in my dreams. The dreams I lived for and the one part of my life that I loved became poisoned by the disquiet. Those thoughts seeped into my dreams and turned them into the worse kind of nightmares a person could have. One of the nightmares I had I can still remember clear as day it was like I was there, and everything was real. I was back at my school and it was the dead of night. I was completely alone nothing but the flickering lights straight out of a horror movie. I remember wondering the halls and looking for someone. Peeking in to classrooms that had broken chairs, windows, and things were thrown all over the place as if people came back and trashed the place completely. As I was wondering the halls, I caught a flash of something in a piece of glass. It was a shadow of a person, completely black with no eyes. As I walked in circles through the school the shadow never left my sight that is until it ended up staring right back at me. As I turned a corner at the end of the hall there was a mirror standing straight up and completely untouched it was as if it simply appeared. I walked until I was directly in front of it and then instead of seeing me, I saw a different version of me. This girl looking at me was thin too thin, she had empty eyes and a halo of darkness surrounding her body. It was then I knew this was the girl people saw. She was the real me and at that moment I knew I didn't want to be her ever again. 

That dream changed something inside of me. Every night I'd have a similar dream always the same girl. She was the shadow the girl I could easily become if I continued down the path I have been on. She followed me constantly in my sleep and it seemed that she started to show herself in my life. All the mirrors I passed she was over my shoulder watching me. She became my real-life shadow I was never alone even if I was, she was there always behind me. However, in my dreams was when she came to life. She never spoke a word just stared while I stared back. As days passed and nights came the more, I started to recognize my shadow girl in myself and how she was slowly becoming me the more time that passed. We were slowly becoming one person and as much as I hated that it felt like a part of me was becoming whole again. The shadow girl was merging, and we were becoming one. As that happened, she still came to me in my dreams and in my life. She still never spoke a word but was slowly torturing me day and night. She became known to me as my shadow.