Jump then Fall: Falling Series 2 (Modern Stucky College AU)

Eighteen

Sitting on Steve's made bed, Bucky studied Steve for a moment before asking, "You okay?"

"Yeah," Steve honestly answered. Sure, his eyes were red and his face was flushed, but he was better. Knowing that Bucky didn't dip out. Learning that Bucky had only left to get coffee and chocolate chip muffins, Steve knew that he was okay. He was content.

Bucky didn't seem entirely convinced, but he decided not to say anything. Instead, picking at his muffin, but not eating it. Which worried Steve. Typically, Bucky wasn't one to seem so torn. Suddenly, Steve wondered if he had jumped to a ridiculous conclusion of thinking that they were on the same page.

"We need to talk," Bucky finally stated.

Steve swallowed down the lump forming in his throat and said, "Yeah, we do."

"So, um," Bucky started, keeping his gaze down, on the comforter. "I, uh... I know that I was... stupid." Steve watched him intently as Bucky's brows furrowed and he continued, "I know that I should've talked to you. About what we wanted. Back when we were..."

Bucky raked his hand through his hair. Clearly frustrated as he glanced up at Steve. "Listen, I know. I know, that I should've... asked... what you wanted, instead of just assuming that you were also seeing other people. I --"

"Wait," Steve interrupted with a scoff. Impatiently, Bucky chewed on the inside of his cheek and Steve asked, "You thought that I was seeing other people?" Silently, Bucky nodded his confirmation and Steve scoffed again. A little incredulous at the ridiculous suggestion.

"I mean," Bucky shrugged and softly confessed, "You're... amazing. You're intelligent, funny -- but in a more subtle, dry way. Not to mention talented. Plus, you're a good person -- like the best person that I've ever met. And you, you drive me crazy."

Pathetically blushing, Steve pressed his lips together in hopes of keeping his smile small, private even. As much as Steve wanted to take Bucky's words at face value, he couldn't help but think about Stephanie. Couldn't help but wonder why Bucky felt the need to be with other people if he was supposedly crazy about Steve.

And despite Steve wanting to stay in the moment, he knew that he had to ask, "If you're crazy about me, why were you with other people?"

Helplessly, Bucky shrugged, "I told you. I thought that you were seeing other people."

"That," Steve paused, directing his attention to his lap, "That didn't answer my question."

For a moment, it was silent. Steve glanced up at Bucky to find his gaze cast down to his own lap. Briefly, Steve wondered if he should've asked that particular question. But he needed to know. If they were ever going to try again, Steve needed to know. Even if they weren't going to, Steve still needed to know.

"I know," Bucky finally conceded. Clearing his throat, Bucky softly continued, "I've never been in a relationship before. At least, not an exclusive one." Bucky shrugged again. Looking up at Steve, Bucky apologized, "I'm sorry. I was... afraid."

"Afraid?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Bucky confirmed. "I didn't want anyone to get hurt." Trying to ease the mood, Bucky softly chuckled, "I mean, I realize now that that was most definitely a flawed way to go about things. Especially since I ruined everything and hurt you. I just couldn't help but think that..."

Hanging on Bucky's every word, Steve didn't dare to speak up. He needed the rest of that sentence. He needed this confession. He needed to hear Bucky say it.

"Couldn't help but think that you could really fucking mess me up. I'm," Bucky paused. His expression revealing just how vulnerable he was in that moment as he continued, "I'm not lying when I say that you drive me crazy. I don't know what it is exactly. But I know that when I'm with you, I'm where I want to be. And it's terrifying to think that you could just..."

"Break your heart," Steve assumed.

"Yeah," Bucky breathlessly acknowledged. Chewing on his lower lip, Bucky apologized, "I'm sorry again."

"Thanks," Steve said, and meant it. Of course, they still needed to address, "Where do we go from here?"

"Where do you want us to go?" Bucky asked, intently watching Steve.

Trying to be more courageous. Trying to be more bold when it came to what he wanted and who he wanted, Steve admitted, "I want to be with you."

Bucky bit back his grin at that, seemingly pleased by Steve's confession. And maybe because Steve had been honest, Bucky decided to be so as well. Bucky sincerely stated, "Good. I want to be with you too."

Although Steve wanted to drift up to cloud nine where he could merrily exist in the knowledge that Bucky wanted to be with him too, his anxieties kept him grounded. His fears that he wouldn't be enough for Bucky, dampened the instant joy. Fearing that Bucky would still want to have an open whatever.

"What about Sharon?" Steve questioned, "Or Stephanie? Or... anyone, really?"

Instead of answering, Bucky asked, "What about Brock?"

"Brock and I are friends," Steve answered. Hoping that since he answered, Bucky would too.

"I'm friends with lots of people," Bucky shrugged with a shit-eating grin. When Steve rolled his eyes, Bucky candidly told Steve, "If you want to be exclusive, we can be exclusive."

With a stuttering heart, Steve wanted to make sure that Bucky truly meant what he said. So, Steve asked, "Are you sure?"

Bucky's expression soft, as he genuinely confirmed, "More than anything."