Arranged

Chapter 20

The week was a bit awkward. I knew the fact that I had left out that detail of not telling what I was thinking would do something like this. He was his usual self of course but there was just something about the way he looked at me that made me shiver every time. Or maybe it was my guilty conscience either way I needed to tell him. But I waited Friday night when I knew Juan would be coming soon to.
We were sitting on the balcony, the sea air warm and the clouds covering a part of the moon. I was sitting next to him, my head on his shoulder and holding his hand.
"Christopher." I said and he looked down at me. Here goes nothing, I thought.
"Can you promise me something?" I asked squeezing his hand. He was quiet, then he nodded.
"If I ever leave, don't look for me." I said staring in his eyes, they slowly turned into confusion.
"What?" He asked and I felt the grip of his hand loosen up, but I held it still.
"If I leave you for something I did or you did. Don't come after me, and let's both move on." I said and he sat up with a disapproving look.
"Why would you say that?" He asked his eyebrows furrowed.
"Things go south everytime in relationships, just promise me." I said and he took his hand away shaking his head.
"No." He said getting up.
"C'mon you-"
"Do you not have feelings for me anymore?" He interrupted me sounding as distressed as he looked.
"Of course I do, but it'd be hard-"
"To move on? What are you moving on from? Are you planning on leaving me?" His questions poured on and he had already moved in the bedroom. I followed him.
"I'm not leaving you. These are just circumstances. I just want you to know what I think we should do." I said frustrated that he was angry and pacing around.
"Why would you even think about that? I thought you were happy?" He asked stopping and coming closer to me.
"I am."
"But you want me to not look for you if you leave, and you love me?" He asked making it sound ridiculous. I looked away.
"Okay, I won't if you keep contacting me."
"But doesn't make any sense." I said and he raised his eyebrows. He was pointing me out.
"Just don't." I said and he shook his head.
"No. I will." He said walking away."
"Don't be selfish." I called and he stopped.
"How am I being selfish? You are clearly just thinking about yourself and no one else around you." He almost shouted and I frowned. I hated being shouted at.
"I do think about them. I think about them everyday, every second." I said raising my voice. "Do you really think if I was selfish I would be here? I could have gone months ago when they told me about you, and not think about how hurt they would be or how their company may have had serious problems because of your great grandfather. I think about everything everyday, and I don't want to remain tied down to this whole mess when I finally open my eyes."
I couldn't even hear myself. He looked shocked and hurt slowly closing his eyes and turning around.
"I didn't know you felt tied down to me." He said and my eyes widened. Shit did I say that? Before I could say anything, the doorbell rang and he didn't look like he was going to answer that so I went downstairs. I opened the door, and thought there couldn't have been any worse timing.
"You don't look so happy to see me. You sounded desperate on the phone though." He raised his eyebrows and I smiled letting him in. I closed the door, and hoped and prayed Liam didn't leave his room.
"Thank you for actually coming." I said going on my tiptoes to mess up his hair.
"What are friends for?" He said stretching his arms out for a hug. I went in without thinking for a second, until I looked up and saw Liam pass. I pulled out, and told him to wait for me so we could go out immediately. He couldn't stay here, well at least not when he was around. I climbed the stairs, and went in his study where I knew he would be. He was there, but he didn't look pleased one bit. I walked up to him.
"I didn't mean it that way." I said softening my face.
"You didn't. You wanted to leave with your so called best friend." He spat and I took a step back shocked.
"What are you insinuating?" I asked hating this side of him.
"I didn't know you were the likes of Victoria." He continued fuming and I was still shocked he would say that. I didn't even utter a word before he added.
"You all just cheat and-" before he finished, I saw my hand fly to his face and slapped him so hard I felt my hands burn. His face moved slightly to the side and my heartbeat accelerated. I couldn't believe he would compare me to Victoria I was so angry I was shaking. He looked away and I walked out.
*********
It had been two weeks. That night, I left with Juan who was perplexed and wanted to calm me down. We had gone to a bar and I had cried. When he dropped me home, Liam was gone. It was our first fight, or major one compared to all the petty ones. I was angry and scared of when he would come back, but he didn't and so I went out with Juan again.
He wasn't back still. I only found out in the office on that Monday, he was away on a sudden trip to France but I didn't know when he would back. That week I was frustrated, and I didn't even have time to call anyone. He had compared me to Victoria and she was the worse which is why I slapped him. But why the hell did I slap him? I thought. I never raised a hand on anyone because I was never that angry and hurt at the same time. My anger had dissipated but I was wondering what was going on in his mind. I was angry at him for the first few days, then at myself for saying those words and even slap him.
He just had to be absent for two weeks and I was going mad. Christina had come over to inform about her separation from her fiancé who she didn't seem to love anymore. I listened to her and appreciated the fact that she was confiding in me. I couldn't take my mind off her brother though, but I couldn't tell her that. As soon as she left, I drove to Stacy's to at least know when he was coming from Drake and pour out to her.
"That's a lot to take in, and you didn't tell me. I'm hurt." She said feigning a sad look. I smiled.
"I didn't want to stress you out. Do you know when he'll be back?" I asked rubbing her stomach.
"Drake said today." She said and I nodded putting my head on her shoulder and hugging her.
"You missed me, need an older sister in your life." She teased kissing my head and I nodded.
I was so not ready to meet him although I missed him so much for two weeks. He hadn't called even once, and I could only imagine that he was angry. I'm sure he wanted nothing to do with him and I didn't blame him. I still couldn't believe I slapped him. I got home a bit later and had a shower. I didn't know whether he would have wanted to even look at me so I used the jasmine and vanilla scented shower gel and cream he liked so I had a chance to apologise, and wore a little black dress. I was wondering what to do with my hair when I heard the doorbell. My heart pounced and I just let it down. I went in his study first so he had time to change.
I walked in and heard him come out. He was just about freshly out of the shower in new clothes and barefooted like me. I met his eyes for a few seconds and looked down my heart racing. I took steps closer to him, and stopped handing him the ring he had given me.
"I'm sorry for what I did...and said. I wouldn't date myself if I did." I said and he looked at the ring and frowned at it. He handed it back.
"It's yours." He said quietly and I looked up my heart skipping. He really didn't want us together anymore. I knew my face betrayed me everytime and it was probably reflecting the pain I was feeling. I dropped them by my side and took a deep breath.
"I never raised a voice nor hand at anyone and I apologise. I should have never hit you. I didn't mean anything of what I said." I said apologetically and looking away. I had had a little hope but he didn't say anything. I took a step back, but he held my wrist.
"Wait." He said and I looked up in his blue eyes.