Chapter 34 : Found Her

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"Another day, another headache
In this hangover hotel."

Monsters by All Time Low ft. Blackbear



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     When I was little, all I ever wanted was a happily ever after. I wanted the life my mother lived. One with a big white house on a farm full of horses. I wanted the picket fence that I waited by every morning for the school bus. I wanted to dance with my prince charming to the music at the end of our favorite movie. I wanted happiness, and every night before bed, when my parents piled into my room to tell me goodnight, they told me I could have it. That if I worked hard to bring good into the world, there was nothing that could stand in my way.

     I never had a reason to doubt that.

     I was a good kid.

     I cleaned my room. I made my bed. I ate my dinner every night. I stood next to my mother on the kitchen chair and helped her dry the dishes and hang the clothes on the line outback every Sunday after church. I truly believed them when they told me I deserved the world. That I could be happy.

     It made me wonder what they would think of me now as I sat under the running water, washing the blood of a nameless face from my hands while the man I sentenced to the same fate was out disposing of a body.

     Would they blame me?

     Think it was my fault?

     Would they call me a monster or tell me I deserved it for what I had done?

     I stared down at the brass badge shaking in my raw hands, wondering how many people in Manning were mourning the man I had taken back to my cabin and slept with on a drunken whim.

     I didn't even know his name.

     Anger surged through me faster than the panic did when I realized this was punishment. That Azazel must have figured out that I didn't make good on my deal and that John Winchester was still alive.

     The only truth I could mutter when Dean asked why, was the one I hoped made him understand why nothing could ever happen between us ever again.

     This is what happened to the people I got close to.

     My hands trembled at my sides as I managed to turn off the water and climb out of the tub. I was no stranger to the aftereffects of Azazel, but this was the first time I ever had to do it in front of someone else. Dean would be back any minute and I knew he'd have more. Ones that I couldn't answer. That I wouldn't answer.

     I wiped at the mirror and stared at the monster looking back at me. Tired eyes. Trembling lips. Scars that had been wiped away by demonic magic but never truly faded. I looked as sick as the day Roy LeGrange saved Dean and attempted to rid me of the tumor I secretly prayed would take me.

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