Just A Drag No One Wants To Inhale

Pitter-Patter

***

Sure enough, and I hate to admit that Willz was right, my mother asked about the broken tiles in the bathroom and if it had anything to do with the white bandages on my hand that I tried to hide from her.

How does she always know?

"-And this isn't the first time that I had to talk to you about breaking things out of anger, Frank."

"I know I just-" I sighed heavily and looked away from my mother. I can never look at her straight in the eye when I tell the truth. "I'm just so angry  all the time, and I don't know why..."

She reached for my hand across the table but I pulled away from her, cutting off any ties I had with her before today. I could feel the string be cut as she also sat back up in her seat, obviously disappointed that I didn't reach out to her.

We sat like that for a while, the chicken soup turning cold as it sat in front of me untouched and my mother pleading at me with her eyes for some kind of explanation from me.

"Have you talked about this with anyone else, Frank?" She questioned, probably hoping that if I didn't vent to her  about it, I'd hopefully have someone else.

I nodded my head, still looking down at the ground. "I told Willz."

"Willz?"

"The friend I made at school." I clarified.

"Oh, right..."

I traced the shapes that my bandages made with my left had and looked up to see Willz smiling at me. It wasn't his shit-eating grin, nor was it his smile he used right before he teased me.

It was a kind smile.

A nice smile...

...

...

...

My  smile.

"I'm your friend? " He asked, touched by the sentiment. "And you're sure you're not just saying that for your mom?"

I gave a single nod in his direction.

"Aw..." he gushed, squishing his face between his hands and falling backwards onto the chair like he's been shot by a machine gun of love.

"Well," my mom interrupted my thoughts and I looked back up at her. She bit her lip, considering something. "Do you think that Willz is helping you understand  your anger?"

"I, uh," she caught me off-guard. I also considered this for a bit. He really did help me understand myself better. He helps me declutter some thoughts and decipher some emotions. Maybe its a good thing that I have to explain everything to him, because it's like I'm explaining it to myself as well. "I'd like to think so." I answered back honestly.

"Well, alright... Just one second baby, I've got to get you something." And with that, she left the table and went into her and my father's bedroom. I sat there twiddling my thumbs as I waited for her to come back.

Willz suddenly gasped. I shot my head around and saw that his face was sheet-white. "Think she's gonna turn up with some meds for your mental health issues?"

I rolled my eyes. "Not helpful..." I muttered to him, praying to... whoever, that my mother would come back from the bedroom with anything but  medication.

If she turned up with a printed out list of the computer's web history, with every single porn site highlighted, I would probably prefer her to come back with a loaded gun. But not pills.

I couldn't shake off the feeling that Willz was actually concerned that I'd start taking medication for... Whatever disorder I may or may not have. It's like he knows something will happen if I take those pills...

Does he think I'll stop seeing him if I take them?

I opened my mouth to ask Willz that question, but I stopped when I heard my mother come back into the room.

My heart beat harder and harder in my throat and I began to breathe through a pin sized hole. I could feel myself break into a cold sweat, my hands especially.

"Here you go..." she said as she handed me a leather-bound notebook.

She didn't want to overdose me with numbness pills, she wanted me to write about my thoughts and feelings so that I could take it out in a healthy way.

God, my mom is the best mom, hands down.

"Thanks mom!" I shot up out of my seat and gave her a big hug, throwing my arms around her neck and nuzzling my face in her neck and breathing in the good stuff...

There's something so calming and reassuring about the way a mother smells. I can't pinpoint what exactly, but I feel safe in her arms.

She held me tight and didn't let go until I did... Which was a long time for someone to be hugging anyone.

Once I pulled away from her, she held my face lightly with both of her hands and kissed the top of my nose. Ah, a mother's love... Nothing can beat it. "Now, go put that in your room where your father and I can't find it just so I don't get too curious. I'll reheat the soup on the stove while you're up."

I kissed her forehead and smiled. "Sure thing, Ma. I love you."

"I love you more!" She called back to me as I ran up the stairs excitedly, closing the door behind me when I entered my room. My back against the door as I admired the blank pages that would soon be filled with extracts from my days, thoughts, poems and maybe, just maybe, about Willz as well.

"Thinking about writing a best friend poem about your new best bud, AKA, me? " Willz asked excitedly as he stood next to me and wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, peering over my shoulder as he did so.

This time, I merely flinched at his sudden appearance, I no longer dropped whatever I was holding or shake in frustration from being startled by him.

"Not really..." I answered back as I made my way to my bed, lifting my mattress and stowing away my new notebook between the bedspring and my mattress, remembering exactly where I left it. "I think I'll just start writing whenever something important comes up. Or whenever I get inspired by something."

"Or someone."

I rolled my eyes at Willz's comment and opened the curtain so that I could see the rain. It calms me down for some reason, I don't know what it is about it, but it just makes me feel a whole lot better than I felt before.

I would turn on some music as well, but I feel like it would spoil it. The rain, I mean.

Or even the moment that Willz and I seem to be sharing right now.

We're in the very spot I sat in one night ago, only I am not the one crying this time; the sky is.

"What time is it?" Willz asked curiously, not moving from his place and still staring out the window with me. The sun shone through the clouds as the rain lifted a little. The sun was golden in the sky as the rest turned to orange and pink.

"Does it matter?" I countered.

Neither of us said another word until the sky turned black and the moonlight shone on my bed, where I slipped in quietly and fell asleep easily.

***