Just A Drag No One Wants To Inhale

Make Your Ancestors Dizzy

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Once we got inside the car, Jamia suggested that we wait for ten minutes or so for the heater to really kick in before we actually make it to my house, and so, we did. We sat in the warming car, food and drink smeared all over the three of us (they hugged me and got food on their outfits as well) in silence.

"Frankie?" Jamia said suddenly. I turned to her and frowned, signaling that yes, I'm listening, but what is it you have to say? "Frankie, are you-" She let out a breath and looked to the ground and muttered something that I couldn't hear, but Jorden, who sat in the driver's seat right in front of her, could. He bursted out laughing and Jamia continued to stare at the floor, playing with that ruby necklace of hers.

"Can you repeat that?" I asked politely.

Jamia took in another breath, she seemed more confident this time. "Frankie, are you... You know... Gay?"

Everything I've ever done, said, thought about Jorden came rushing into my head all at once and I thought I was about to go into sensory-overload. My heart fell out of my ass and I was more scared than I've ever been all my life. "W-w-what makes you say that?" I asked nervously.

"Um... You literally just made-out with a boy and got upset after almost the entire school called you a you-know-what."

I nodded and shrugged my shoulders. She's got a point. That wasn't very heterosexual of me.

I cleared my throat and both Jamia and Jorden's ears perked. "First of all, no, I'm not gay-" Jamia opened her mouth to argue, but she closed it again. "-Second of all, anyone would feel like shit if people were throwing shit at you, calling you things you aren't, and being overall dicks for no fucking reason..."

"...Third of all...?" Jorden helped me get back on my train of thought.

"Yes! Third of all, I gave him what he fucking deserved."

"Something to store in his spank-bank?" Jorden suggested.

I glared at Jorden and he only smirked before looking back down at his shirt. "No... Shame."

Jamia was silent for a bit, playing with a piece of her hair, considering something. "I don't get it." She said finally.

"Yeah, me neither," Agreed Jorden. "I thought you just did it so you guys didn't fight  fight."

I held my hands out, one in front of Jorden and one in front of Jamia. The car fell silent, as if I were a conductor of an orchestra, ready to perform.

"Hear me out: I gave him a stain on his reputation. An event that his asshole friends will bring up every chance they get. I gave him the option to question his sexuality and see whether or not his homophobia is just his internalized self-hatred of himself. 

Hate is always taught. No child is born hating anything. Hate is taught by hearing people around you and mirroring that behavior; so if he is  gay, he's only acting  like a homophobe because he doesn't want to be... I don't know. Disowned; or be different; or if someone found out, he'd be kicked off the team. And if that's the way he acts, it's because he subconsciously hated himself for being different  and having these completely  natural thoughts. I mean, shit, I don't even think it's subconscious  anymore... Because he kissed back."

I looked up to see the reactions of my friends after my long, drawn-out and overall well-versed speech I planned out as a war was waged on me not too long ago; Both Jorden and Jamia's jaws dropped. 

"For real?" Jorden asked excitedly, a twinkle of excitement in his eye.

I saw his face and knew exactly what he was thinking. "Jorden, no!"

"Right! Right, sorry..." He slumped back in his seat and covered his cherry-red face. "Got excited for a hot sec."

"Wait a second, wait a second," Jamia chimed it, either ignoring or disregarding what just happened. "I still don't get it. So, Frankie, you're not  gay?"

"Nah," I replied, shaking my head. "But I'm not really straight either."

She frowned. She doesn't understand. "That doesn't make sense."

I forced myself not  to roll my eyes as to not be rude. It's okay if she doesn't understand yet. "It does!" If I want to make her understand, I'm going to have to explain it in a way she'll understand, change it to suite her way of learning. "I mean, think about it as ice-cream, yeah? So being straight is like liking vanilla ice-cream, and being gay is like liking chocolate ice-cream. Some people just like a certain flavor and they don't why, they just do. I personally have tried both flavors and decided that I just like both. And that's just it."

There was somewhat of a frown that covered Jamia's face. Like fat, rain-filled clouds covering a perfect summer sun.

"Oh, okay..." She replied simply.

Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Did I just fuck up everything? Maybe. But at least I've been honest, and that's how I'm gonna fucking live my life. I don't care who hates me or who loves me because of it, but I'm just gonna be my-fucking-self and fuck  everyone else.

Fuck literally anyone who makes people think that themselves aren't good enough. Fuck the people who taught Colson that he wasn't allowed to feel the way he does. Fuck the people who made Jorden think that he wasn't ever good enough. That he had to hide. Fuck the people who don't teach others that love is fucking love, no matter what gender the other person is. Fuck my lying, cheating excuse for a father. Fuck Colson. Fuck Abed. Fuck all of them.

"So... Um," Her voice quivered like a scared leaf in a storm as she turned towards Jorden, who was staring at nothing in the distance somberly. "W-what about you Jorden? Do you vanilla ice-cream or chocolate ice-cream? O-or both, like Frankie?" She added quickly.

Okay, she's getting the hang of it. That was fast.

"Um..." Jorden positioned himself behind the wheel to make himself comfortable, and that included him in buttoning one last button from his shirt, unbuckling his belt and resting his feet on top of the speedometer. "For the longest time I thought that I liked vanilla because my entire life I've been conditioned to think that was the only flavor I could get, you know... But then..."

I caught him smirking to himself and I couldn't help but do the same. "...I guess you could say someone gave me a free sample of chocolate and that's when I realized that chocolate was the flavor for me, not vanilla." He continued with that same, stupid grin on his overtly handsome face.

"Okay..." She nodded slowly, processing everything. She frowned and glanced at the both of us once again. "Can... I ask you two one last thing?"

Oh God. 

Oh fuck. 

Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-

"Sure, anything." I smiled. 

I caught a shimmer of a blush cross her face and she played with her necklace again. "Were you two ever, you know, a couple?"

Jorden burst out laughing, and I sat there stunned.

"W-what makes you say that, Jams?"

"Well, it's always 'Jorden and I' for everything, and you two seem to spend way  too much time with each other than regular friends... It's like, every time you two are apart, you get separation anxiety."

"I do not!"  I protested.

"Oh yeah?" Jamia challenged. "You could've just asked me out to the dance, but no, you invited Jorden as well."

"Well that's 'cause- That's 'cause Jorden couldn't find a date. Right, Jorden?"

He caught on immediately. "Yeah, and if the school found out that there weren't only girl-boy couples, I'd get my ass expelled so quickly that my ancestors  would taste the rainbow."

We all laughed at Jorden's statement and it helped eased some of the weird tension in the car.

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