After William left I decided to sleep. I was mentally exhausted from the whole day. It was one of the worst days of my life. After my sleep I woke up to see that I was 5 minutes late to the bus. Shit. I grabbed the closest piece of clothing and I made a run for it. I barely caught the bus and when I checked my hair on my phone is was complete shit.
When I got to school I walked up to him and gave him a hug but it was different.He held on longer and tighter than usual. It was as if he let go then he would completely break. When I felt this I knew I had to do something about it so I invited him to my house. Hopefully that wont be a mistake.
When school was over I met up with him and we walked tot he bus stops. When we got on I asked if he had any plans and he said no which was great. We got to my house and walked straight to my room. I took out tissues, books, and movies. After a while of him hugging himself it got a little awkward so I brought out my black fluffy pillow with red roses embroidered. After watching a movie and flipping through magazines I decided that it was the good time for a talk.
Me: So, Will, I think its time we talked.
Him: What about Jazz? I mean, as long as it has nothing to do with Steph its cool.
Me: Well I mean... we kinda have to talk about that Will. Keeping your feelings bottled up is not healthy and if you let this keep going then eventually there will be a moment in which you burst and you will be going through hell. I should know. Just let it out and if you don't want me to see your face then just put up the pillow in the way, yea? Just talk, start from the beginning. I can help you man. I promise I will, I'm your best friend.
Him: Okay, but you might not understand how it feels like to love somebody. Be so close to them yet so far away. Have them within your reach. It hurts so bad. It feels as if my heart has been ripped out of my chest. Then broken into pieces and put back. It feels as if my world has been turned upside down. The thought of it just makes me want to disappear. I'm pretty sure nobody will notice except for you.
My thoughts: If only you knew that when you told me that you liked Stephanie I felt the same. But having you grieve like this makes it worse. So yea, my pain, its more than yours but you wouldn't understand.
Me: Well, guess what, I do understand. I know how it feels. You will get better. You just have to let it out. You can cry. That will help a lot. You can talk to me. Pain... Pain is not the answer. I know you won't listen to me but I just want to tell you that I love you and that no matter what I will always be here for you. Through thick and thin. You're my bro, bro.
Him: Okay, well... I love you too. You're like my sister. (Phone rings) Oh mmhmm , yea, okay, bye.(ends call) Well I have to go. Thanks, I will keep that in mind but I don't know... Well bye.(hugs)
Me: Okay bye. See you in school and always remember that i love you.(hugs)
After he left I got the pillow he had used. It was covered with his tears and scent. I got it and hugged it. I started crying. My whole world is tumbling down. I just stayed there for the rest of the day. Crying, thinking, and then sleeping.
