A/N (Tigger Warning)
I am with William. He whispers he loves me and gives me a kiss. Slow at first but the speed increases as we fight for domination. I've wanted this for so long. We speed more and more until we find out rythm. Then he just stops and laughs. I open my eyes and look up. Its the devil. I run fast but he is behind me. I trip on a branch and I feel my face grow in pain as it crashes into the floor. Warm liquid runs down my face but I keep running. I ignore the screams behind me. The demonic sounds. I keep running bit the screams get louder. He's getting closer. I hear his laugh growing louder and louder. The screams are now louder than ever. They say " Its all over. We know. Its all over. We know." I can't get out. I scream for help but no one is there. I stop running and turn around. The devil has caught up to me. Slowly he starts morphing. Someone familiar but I don't know who. I wait in terror as he finishes morphing. Its Angel. Still laughing. I can see his eyes, pitch black, like the darkness that over powers me. No emotion. Suddenly he reaches for me. I fight back but his hands grab me from the neck. As soon as his hands wrapped around my neck he catches fire. Im scared. Crying out. Fighting for my life. Trying to free myself. Then I hear a loud noise. BOOM!!!
I wake up.
After all of the drama I had somehow fallen asleep. I saw the clock on my desk and it was 7:34. I had slept for half a day. I still feel defeated. My head hurts from over thinking. I guess its also because of my dream. I think about the facts. The facts that helped me feel useless.
#1 I love William.
#2 Everyone knows.
And
#3 The pain in my chest is horrible
Loving him is worth all of my pain. Knowing that I will die for this, its worth it. But trusting anyone just so they can betray me just like Angel is not worth it. Having those dreams are scary yet beautiful. Having him kiss me is perfect, even if its just a dream. Watching his chest slowly heave as he tells me he loves me is the only thing keeping me alive. It he can make me happy. He can be the only saviour this time. I went online. I looked at love quotes while listening at my favorite song, Wake me up when September Ends by Green Day. Only they can explain what I feel. Crying makes it better. I'm alive and that's what I need. I need life if I want to be okay. To win William and to prove that true love does exist. Now, I believe that heart-breaks exist but love... No, not love. If William loved me I would be saying the exact opposite. I'm aware of that. I know that when I say love sucks I mean it. Its not all bad though. The journey of being in love is an extraordinary thing. There is nothing like it. You feel like the while world is perfect. You get shivers and butterflies. An imagination that toy never knew you had breaks free. Any type of body contact with that person is like heaven. Even if you just hold hands. But then something happens and you just change. The whole world is now too big. You feel lost. You start hating everything in a matter of seconds. You hate love, butterflies and your imagination. Love now becomes hate. Butterflies are no longer joyful. They become wasps which inject poison all over your body. The beautiful colorful imagination which you had has now become a black and white world. A place where the suicidal thoughts come in crashing like the waves at the ocean during a storm. Your soul gets black and suddenly that is when you figure out that all of the goodyou had has now become meaningless. You no longer know what to do. Sleep becomes less and less while you imagine what would hapeen if things were your way. Thinking about how much love has gone to waste. About all of the time that is now gone and that you could no longer take back. All of those precious moments which you wish would come back. The when yay accidentally sleep then you live in a fantasy world. You feel. The heat of the sun, you feel the warmth of the sun, you hear the chirping songs of the birds in the trees and the skies. The you see that special person. Standing there. Everything about them is reap. The touch of their lips. The soft hands carresing your face and body. Then you wake up.
That's how I feel. I feel lost so I start looking around. I see a pocket knife. Its wrong. I'm too coward to do it. I will never do that. I can't. But I have needs. I need to feel something besides this darkness. I need to confirm if I am in this real world or if I have already been lucky enough to escape. So cut. Once. Twice. Three times. And then I become a crazy person and i start cutting everywhere. My arms. My legs. My thighs. My stomach. Any little place I can find. It feels so good. Seeing all of that red blood just pouring out of me. It makes me feel real. Alive
The pain just starts pouring out of my chest. When I feel nothing more I stop. The second I stop I can feel the pain slowly making its way in. Now I feel too weak to continue. Too dizzy. I think about how this pain will never leave and then I faint. I sleep.
Hi there stars. I'm sorry I haven't posted in so long. I have just been a little too busy but now I'm back. Don't forget to keep reading as I'm writing more now. I don't encourage anything that has been written in this chapter. If you need help then you can talk to me. Never forget that you guys are my whole universe. I will get back to you guys soon. Promise.
XOXOXO
Stay beautiful. Stay Strong. Love you stars.
