Mad World (Gone Editing)

Chapter 11

Elliot's POV

Ocean Eyes by Billie Eilish (Cover by MGK)

Melody?

Why was Inna asking about Melody? How did she ever know that name?

"Melody is my ex. The one I mentioned before," I said staring down at her. "Why'd you say that name?"

"You called me her when I was finally able to wake you up," she said, the hard look on face didn't fit her at all but then her words hit me.

"Shit! Love I'm, so sorry," I said, but made no move toward her.

I had probably scared her bad enough with my fucked up nightmares, so adding me calling her another woman's name was probably just too much.

Inna shook her head for a second before getting to her feet and taking a tentative step back toward the bed.

"What was that, Elliot? And why was your ex the first thing to come to mind afterward," she asked with only a hint of fear in it.

I sighed I would need a strong drink if I was going to survive this night. I stood on shaky legs and moved forward to take her hand. She looked at the hand I offered her skeptical at first, but then she took it and I pulled her to me. I looked down into her eyes as I brushed her hair away from her face and wondered just how much of my past she could handle before she ran screaming from my life just like Melody.

"Where are we going," she asked.

"I usually need a stiff drink after I have the dream," I replied.

"Okay," she said.

I opened the door and George rushed in, barking like a mad man. He skidded into the room and looked around for some sort of threat. I shook my head at him.

"Calm down you bloody idiot," I said.

You would think that after being with me for two years he would be used to me waking up screaming. Once he was sure Inna and I were in the room alone he came over to Inna and me. He licked her hand and then bumped it with his giant head, demanding pets from her first.

Then he came over to me. He sniffed at me before licking my hand and then trotting down the stairs.

Inna walked down the stairs behind me so I headed over to my liquor cabinet and poured two glasses of Johnnie Walker Blue label. She went and sat on the couch but I could feel her eyes on me even in the dark. I downed my first glass before pouring myself a refill and going to sit with her.

She took the glass from me and took a sip. I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. I knew she wouldn't press me to talk but I also knew that she needed answers. My mind was racing as I thought long and hard about what was getting ready to come out of my mouth.

"I told you about my little brother, that he died," I asked and she nodded. "Well, when I was 18 and Lucas was 17, our father was drink as usual and that meant if me mum even breathed in his direction, he would be all over her."

I paused. My hands clenched and unclenched involuntarily just thinking about that day. Inna hesitated for just a moment before moving over to take my hand.

I took her hand gratefully before downing my second drink.

"Lucas and I'd had enough and so I snuck out to get the gun that my buddy Jimmy had loaned me. I couldn't leave it in the house where that bastard coulda found it. So, I told Lucas to wait for me."

I took a deep breath.

"I was gone 10 minutes. No longer. It couldn't have been. I walk in the house and all I hear is mum wailing and that bastard's ragged breathing. I asked where Lucas was and then I heard this thunk as he smacked the bat into the floor. I looked down and..."

I wanted to look at Inna, but I didn't want her to see the rage and pain I was feeling.

"He'd killed Lucas and was probably going for my mum when I got there," I said. "I've dreamed of that day a million times over the years. But I actually hadn't had it since we've been together. Not even when you're not with me. I don't know what brought it on tonight," I admitted.

I was glad that she let me explain without interrupting but the fact that she had yet to say anything had me nervous.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, Elliot," she said and I could feel her eyes on me. "I'm even sorrier that you keep reliving that awful part of your life over and over."

Inna moved as that she was kneeling in front of me. She looked up at me with love in her eyes. It was almost too much.

"What made you call for your ex, Elliot," she asked and there was pain in it.

Fuck.

"I don't know. I guess the last time I had the dream with someone next to me was with her. I haven't even thought about her in years."

I pulled Inna up into my lap.

"You gotta know there's no one else," I swore sweeping her hair away from face.

"I do. But I couldn't help but feel some type of way when you called me another woman's name," she said.

"I know, love. Im sorry."

I turned her face toward me so I could kiss her. She sighed and laid her head on my shoulder. She buried her face in my neck.

"My brother, my twin... He died of an overdose... No one...Not his girlfriend, my best friend... Not our parents... Not his closest friends...not even me... None of us even knew he used drugs..."

She was crying softly as she spoke.

"I have bad dreams about him, too. I just...can't save him no matter what I do," she said and sounded so helpless that I grew angry.

I wanted to do something about the hurt in her voice even though I knew there was nothing I could do for her.

So, I held her to me and let her cry.

"Elliot, I... Is it bad that I'm angry with him? Even after two years I'm so mad that I force myself not to think about it," She said taking me by total surprise.

I moved her away from me so that I could see her face.

Tears were still sliding down her face but there was anger in her eyes too.

"You have the right to feel that way, love, but what good does it do you? Don't rob yourself of properly grieving someone so close to your heart," I said gently wiping the tears from her cheeks with the pad of my thumb. "There's nothing you can do but let it go and forgive him. You'll feel better."

George barked his agreement causing Inna to laugh a little.

"Come on. Let's go back to sleep," I said.

I stood with her in my arms effortlessly. She kissed my cheek, nodding.

"Thank you for sharing that with me, love," I said as I climbed the stairs.

"Huh," she asked.

"You never talk about your past or yourself. You must really like me to talk to me like you just did. I know I'm not exactly an open book either..."

I stopped. I had no idea where I was going with this. I'd just felt like I needed to acknowledge the fact that she had actually volunteered information about herself.

"Oh," she said and then frowned like she was thinking. "I guess I did, but bae," she said.

"Yeah," I asked.

I liked when she'd called me that.

"If you want to know something about me just ask. "I'll either answer or I'll tell you I'm uncomfortable. I want to be with you and that means trusting you and letting you really get to know me. But I need time to get comfortable with the idea of letting someone into my life who could potentially leave me broken again," she said and I was angry again.

I really needed the name of her ex so I could show him what I thought of him.

"Inna, I will never hurt you," I promised even though I knew I was more than likely going to break that promise at some point.