this summer | jeongchan

four

oh no.

jeongin's feels this familiar feeling, a tightening feeling. one that feels like you're shrinking and being suffocated, though there's nothing physically there. his breathes quicken, as if he is never going to breathe again.

this never happened before, except once. the first time he slept over anyone's house—seungmin's.

"you wanna go to sleep now?" seungmin asks, taking blankets from the closet and setting them up on the tiled living room floor. jeongin shrugs in response and helps his friend.

they both lay down, leaving much space between them. it is a bit cold, but jeongin doesn't mind. he readjusts his blanket so it's just under his chin. he nods and turns onto his back. he counts imaginary sheep, as his therapist told him to do, to help him fall asleep. these days, it seems harder, but he nonetheless does.

jeongin's eyes shoot open, feeling a weird feeling (the one he's feeling right now).he's scared, helpless. he doesn't understand the heavy feeling and immediately sits up, tears welling in his eyes. he hears rustling beside him and notices seungmin begin to wake up.

"innie? ya! what's wrong?" seungmin shoots up as well, seeing jeongin now crying fully. he tries to muffle our words, but they all go to the back of his throat and come out as sobs instead.

"i.." hiccup "d-dont.." hiccup "know.."

seungmin raises his brow in confusion, but doesn't question the younger. all he does is grab jeongin into a hug and just, holds him.

they soon lay back down after jeongin is finished crying, just sniffling. though, now jeongin is cradled in seungmin's arms, feeling the warmth radiate off of him. jeongin really likes it. the feeling of being close to someone, he never really felt it before.

jeongin sits up after, whatever that feeling is, goes away. he feels strange and uncomfortable, so he decides to quietly sneak out of his bed and leave the cabin. he needs some fresh air.

he successfully does, lightly closing the wooden door. he's met with a person—it's joohyun. she flinches at the male in front of her and almost drops her clipboard.

"what are you doing up at this hour?" she asks in a rather annoyed tone, though her voice is hushed. jeongin recollects his memories from earlier when he checked the time. it's probably around 1 am now.

"i'm sorry," jeongin responds. "i just needed some fresh air." he hears a sigh come from joohyun, who looks at her watch and then nods.

"okay, you've got thirty minutes before security guards come around. i'll keep a lookout." she winks at jeongin and turns around, walking to the next cabin. jeongin breathes out of relief and begins to walk mindlessly.

he eventually stops at the river, which is next to the counselors cabin. he sneaks his away around and spots a dock, and decides it would be a good idea to sit there for awhile. somewhere he could just relax and not think.

jeongin sits on the edge, rubbing his arms from the chill the water is giving off. though it's summer, the nights never get warmer. he looks up at the sky and thinks back to earlier, which gives his goosebumps. what the hell happened? he thinks of texting seungmin, until he realizes that he doesn't have his phone. they collected it when he entered the camp. he sighs into his hands and rubs his arms once again.

jeongin then hears creaks nearby and stiffens up. joohyun would've told him if someone's coming, right? oh god, i'm gonna be kicked out of this damn camp and it hasn't even been 24 hours ye—

"excuse me? why are you out here so late?" a raspy voice asks, and jeongin immediately recognizes it. he quickly turns around and sees chan, which (for some reason) makes him even more nervous.

"i- uh, joohyun said i could stay for thirty minutes. i-i can go now though.." he stutters out, trying to wipe away his now dry tears. he begins to stand up when chan suddenly puts a hand on jeongin's shoulder.

"no, it's okay.. stay as long as you need," chan states, unexpectedly sitting down next to jeongin, though there's much space between them. "are you okay?" he asks.

chan looks especially good tonight, even though he hasn't even changed since earlier. he's still wearing that shirt, and the three buttons are still unbuttoned. maybe it's the way the moonlight is reflecting from the water to his face or the way the dim glow from the almost-gone campfire accentuates his features, but you can see the sparkle in his eyes and jeongin finds that mesmerizing. so mesmerizing, in fact, he loses his train of thought and doesn't respond to the question.

"um," chan tries to remember the youngers name. "jeongin!" he exclaims when he finally remembers. jeongin blinks his eyes a few times before nodding. ""y-yeah, im fine." he responds, breathing uneven.

"okay.. but just to let you know, if you ever need to talk about anything, we're here for you." chan states, giving a reassuring smile. jeongin is suddenly taken back to memory lane and rolls his eyes at such words. he hates them.

"gosh you're starting to sound like my therapis—" jeongin begins to say, but goes quiet after realizing what he (basically) said. great, now the super-cute-and-nice counselor is going to think im insane, as if this day couldn't get any worse.

chan isn't shocked by his words and notices how uncomfortable jeongin is now, so he decides to change topics. "so why did you come to camp miroh?" he asks curiously.

jeongin scratches his nails against the wood of the dock, "honestly, my parents forced me to come." his voice is small, as if that too makes him uncomfortable. chan bites his lip and begins to tell the younger why he decided to join instead.

"actually my parents did too, but i was only fifteen. i was really only close with one counselor, steven kim. he was from australia too." ah, so that's why his korean sounds so nice "after that summer i guess the place just stuck with me and when i began college, i realized how much value this place has, and no matter how cringy this sounds, i really do love this place.."

jeongin just watched in enchantment as chan talks. his words are so beautiful and he just sounds so, amazing. no, he's amazing. jeongin can't get over how right now, he's sitting with the most beautiful man he's ever seen and he's talking to him. like, chan is talking to jeongin, well more like at him because jeongin doesn't respond at all except for a few nods to keep chan talking. he doesn't want him to stop.

he suddenly gets a burst of ambition, and discreetly makes his way closer to chan by scooting ever so slightly to his left. thankfully chan doesn't notice and jeongin can breathe in the scent of chan's cologne—it smells expensive and manly, as he expected. (not that he was thinking of chan or anything...)

a sudden whisper-yell makes jeongin jump as he notices the empty space beside him, and he glances back to see chan walking away already. joohyun is standing behind him, telling him to hurry back as it's almost 1:30. wow, time goes by so fast.

as jeongin shuffles back to the dorm, all he can think about is chan's beautiful face and words. this causes a—quite large—smile and blush to be present on his face.