Liar//MYG✔️

Chapter 32//Spring Day

Jinae had faithfully attended her counseling sessions for the past three weeks, and Dr. Kim had helped her to devise a plan of action.

    First, it involved Jinae writing a letter to each of her parents.

    Then it involved her writing a letter to her younger self.

    Then she was to read the letters aloud, on her own.

     Finally, when she was ready, she was to share the letters written to her parents with them, in a group meeting.

    The thought of getting together with both of her parents caused her stomach to twist into knots. It made her thinking go frantic as she thought over all the times they'd been in the same vicinity since their separation. The occasions had been few and far between, but disastrous regardless. Parent-teacher meetings, piano recitals, graduations, milestone birthdays, and the like. Even then they barely spoke to one another and they always ensured separate family photos were taken.

    Together, but always separate. That thought saddened Jinae.

    Once her parents had spent all their free time together, but they now only spent passing moments in one another's presence, always there for someone else.

    That's what happened when you stopped loving someone, she guessed.

    Jinae wasn't sure how they would react to her asking the three of them to gather alone. Especially considering how heavy the meeting would be.

    At night she lay awake wondering how they would react to what she had to say to them.

    Would they be angry?

    Would they be sad?

    Would they blame her openly as she'd worried all these years?

    Or would they just plod on in silence as they'd done for nearly her entire childhood?

    There were so many questions and doubts swirling around in her mind, enough to make her go crazy and give up the whole process.

    Like she'd done before.

    However, she knew that it was time to let go. The thought of a future with Yoongi helped her to realize that she couldn't move forward in her life while holding onto so much pain. The bitterness would continue to cripple her, and one day, there would be no return.

    She didn't want that kind of future.

    Jinae did her best to share her fears with Dr. Kim openly, and her therapist was then able to help infuse some reality into her thoughts.

    Of course, she shared her thoughts with Yoongi as well. The two met for coffee once a week. Sometimes he brought lunch to her studio, but only occasionally. Each party involved-  Dr. Kim, Jinae, and Yoongi-- thought it best if they put some space between them while Jinae worked through this process.

    It was difficult to not see him as much as she wanted to. It was difficult to not tell him about every nightmare or each fear. It was difficult to know that she had a lot of emotional battles to fight before she could give him the best version of herself.

    However, she wanted to give Yoongi all of her. She also needed to give this process of healing all of her.

    Jinae loved Yoongi, and he knew that. She just had to hope that would be a strong enough bond for the two of them at the moment.

******

Jinae walked through the cold, snowy streets of Seoul alone. She crossed her arms to keep herself warm. The coat she wore was thick and large, giving her the appearance of a marshmallow. She wore the same hat she'd worn that first-day Yoongi had taken her to see Dr. Kim.

    She was headed to the bank of the Han river. In the dead of winter, the surrounding park would certainly be abandoned by the populace possessing good sense. The late afternoon temperatures were biting and the clouds were gray and foreboding. It wasn't the type of day one would normally choose to go for a walk on.

    However, it was just the type of day Jinae had been waiting for. She needed to be out in the open, but still in private. She needed to feel free and safe at the same time.

    Dr. Kim had advised Jinae to find a calm and quiet place outside of her home where she could read her letters by herself. As soon as Dr. Kim had advised her to do this, a spot along the Han River had popped into her mind, a little nook that perfectly embodied Dr. Kim's suggestion. 

    A park bench sat just to the side of the walkway, giving a beautiful view of the river just across the way. Even though the trees were bare and the sky gray and cold, the little spot tucked into the trees off the well-used part of the path was one of Jinae's favorite parts in the entire city.

    She let a sigh of relief leave her lips when she saw that the spot was in fact vacant.

    Jinae settled down onto the wooden bench, taking her gloved hands out of her coat pockets, pulling the letters out slowly.

    She took deep breaths, trying to slow her wild thoughts.

    She knew the words she'd written on the white sheets of paper, her black ink changing their meaning with each stroke her pen made. They were her words, written directly from her mind. Once she'd spoken them though, they would truly be hers, and no could take them from her. 

    The letters could be destroyed or misplaced, her words could disappear without a trace.

    Once she spoke them though, they would be set free forever.

    Jinae closed her eyes tightly and felt the butterflies in her stomach match the rapid drumbeat of her heart. When she opened her dark brown eyes, she let the still, gray sky give her peace.

     At the moment, she realized why she truly loved the spot on the park bench even in the winter. No matter how bitter and harsh the season could be, the tall trees and the wintry waters of the Han River always reminded her that spring would bring life again.

A/N:
Hello, lovelies!
So I just wanted to say that the reason I'm not putting the content of Jinae's letters is that I think some things belong to each of us separately.
I know there are some of you who are relating to Jinae's pains from childhood whether that's through a messy divorce, separation, abandonment, or something similar. I myself relate to her. I think that for this of us who do, there are things we want to say that no one else knows about.
I know it may seem a little lazy to leave it out, but I wanted to leave room for you to interpret her words.
They can be your words that way.

I don't know exactly what Jinae would say, just as I don't know exactly what you would say or even what I would say.

And so, I'm letting Jinae speak herself without me.

Just as I hope for you to speak yourselves.

I'm working very hard on Liar! I love you dearly and hope this chapter gives you feelings of peace.

Please eat well and take care of yourselves 💜

Featured Song:  Spring Day by BTS

(Edited June 2019)

*Novi*