I AM NOT TO BLAME

As It Starts

Close your mind
And read with your heart
The story in this book shall comfort you…

         What is the book about?
It is about whatever you believe in.
Love?
Doyoubelieveinlove?
         Yes, I do.
Well I suggest you believe in reality & choices…
                    This is the beginning
This is not propaganda,
It is all the answers you have been seeking.
Be brave enough to remember,
Remember the old memories, good or bad.
Allow me to take you back in time…
To that first day,
That day that changed my life,
That wonderful day…

That day in class (7th grade) as I was sitting alone,
Thinking about my own things…

The new girl. HER,
Entered.
Not in slow motion like in the movies,
But with confidence,
With that serious look.
That “I’m not to be messed with” kinder look.

I was shy, I don’t know which spirit took over my mouth but,
I said “hi” and she greeted back.
She passed and sat behind me.

As I sat in class, fantasizing,
And admiring her beauty.
Thinking to myself how I see beauty at its best.

I developed that feeling
You know it…

It was the type of feeling I have never felt before, what was she doing to me?
I wanted to be friends with her so badly.                                                               (Obsession)
I even envisaged about her…
All the romantic shows & movies I’ve watched had me having erotic thoughts about her.

I kept seeing myself necking her,
Holding her,
So tightly she felt that
I never want to let her go.

But I had to start from the beginning,
But I couldn’t.

I was afraid,
I had fear.
Fear of embarrassment.

Weeks passed, she was now settled in school and still,

She only heard my voice once,
But in my head, I’ve heard hers a thousand times. _f.p

One day in class, I don’t know if the teacher was trying to force me to make my move,
But she had us in pairs for an activity,
She paired me with HER.
I still couldn’t say any word.                                                                                                (Anxious)
All I did was keep looking at the board acting like I’m focused.

She called me…
I never thought she would have a conversation with me,
But she did that day.
And she wasn’t rude at all, like how I assumed.

She was so confident, everything that she said was so perfect,
It felt like a prepared speech A students
Give to their teachers.

Being the shy boy I was,
I listened, and answered where I could,
And smiled where I couldn’t answer.

She kept on talking, cracking jokes, making fun of my teacher.

I swear she made my day, being the beautiful girl that she was.
When the class ended,
She looked at me and smiled as she stood up to leave.
That’s when it hit me that I was sitting with the most gorgeous girl ever.
I’ve seen her more than once but her personality is what I fell in love with.

As the day ended I felt something I never felt before, but I ignored it.
And soon that creature inside me began to evolve
Into something much stronger.

I was “crushing”
As they said.

(Don’t let your crush, crush you -Nasty C)