Fast forward to a year after
(11th grade)
That was when my new self was now fully evolved.
But the choices I made didn’t seem wrong at the time
I was dating about 6 girls at the same time,
All at different schools.
Every time I dumped one I would find a new one,
Either at the Mall, Instagram, Facebook or invite her on WhatsApp, or she invites me
Heartless, that’s how they described me.
With a different haircut, which was trending at the time
Fade on the side with dreadlocks,
Dress sense, they said it was for “fuck boys”
So, I guess I was a fuck boy.
But at the time I didn’t care.
I was the devil with an angelic face and a killer smile.
Most of the girls I dated, I only slept with them then blocked their numbers
On all communication networks.
I just saw no value in them, and I lived up to the mindset that
I’d rather receive love than to give love.-f.p
I didn’t even feel bad for what I was doing to those girls.
People kept on going around telling girls that I’m heartless or a girl would call me crying
Telling me how heartless I am and how can I do something like this to her.
But I didn’t care, I just focused on myself,
My happiness came first.
I went around ruining other people’s relationships.
I had a “shitty” personality and obviously no good was going to come out of it.
What I believed in was that “humans do not deserve love.”
And this is how I spent most of my days in the 11th grade,
Partying every month, smoking but not cigarettes only weed.
My grades were getting low, but that didn’t scare me I’ve never failed before,
So that won’t happen to me, that’s what I kept telling myself.
Not knowing that,
If you don’t put in the work,
No good will happen in the future
_f.p
Hard work does pay off, you are just not working hard enough…
One night I went out with my friends to party at a lodge,
I won’t lie it was one hell of a night.
The drinks we had,
There is only one spirit that can kick start a night.
And that is Vodka, we had 3 bottles of that,
And weed, I ended up in bed with two girls.
When I woke up in the morning I forgot half of what happened last night,
And that I promised my mom I will come back before midnight.
When I checked my phone, I had 25 missed calls from her,
I’ve never been so worried, but my mom was worried more than I was.
When I got back home, she had no words for me,
She looked at me dead in the eyes.
And as I expected her to shout at me for coming late,
I saw tears running down her face…
That’s when I realized that my actions hurt her a lot.
I felt bad for what I did, but kept on thinking about what happened last night
How amazing it was.
After that I spent a few months not talking to my mom,
She started to talk to me again on the last day of the 3rd term,
When she went to fetch my report, and gave it to me
With no eye contact and said:
“You failed”
I thought she was joking, until I opened it and saw the truth by myself.
And realizing that I’ve run out of time,
I had to race against time and push harder in the last term.
Receiving a fail for the first time in my life made me feel weird for a minute
All I did was comfort myself that it wasn’t the end of year report so I still have a chance.
Work hard from day one
And play hard on the last day
_f.p
No one said it will be easy to make it, but every successful person shows you how easy it is to spend it-
_f.p
YOU ARE READING
I AM NOT TO BLAME
Poesía"I am not to blame" is a book written for teenagers, A book that reminds teenagers to make the right choices, To realize that they have a lot to live for in life and not just Social media, clothes, relationships and friends. It's about their future...
