How do they do it?
Why don’t they seem nervous?
Do I need more practice?
I sat and watched TV,
Wondered how they do it.
Trying to crack it
And even wonder, will I ever be good at it?
Thought pornography taught me everything I needed to know,
It didn’t.
Thought masturbating made me a man,
It didn’t.
Will I ever be one?
I see girls on TV applauding guys after they do it
Will I get a round of applause?
Or will I be sent of the stage for boring the audience?
For days not being able to look at her in the eye
She also couldn’t look at me in the eye
She started to keep a low profile at school
That didn’t sit well with me.
At home I called her,
And Asked her a few questions…
Do you think I am enough for you?
Do I satisfy you?
What do you see when you look at me?
_f.p
And all she did was convince me
That “I’m the best thing that has ever happened to her”
That didn’t change my mind a little.
I had to get it right
Hung up
Looked up for different sex positions,
Positions to make her squirt,
Make her not feel her legs after it happened.
Trying to memorize them for the big day.
At this stage I couldn’t differentiate between,
Making love, having sex & fucking.
All I could see was opposite genders on top of each other.
Have you ever listened to j-Cole’s wet dreams?
…but a nigga couldn’t wait to get to school
Cause when I seen them thighs on her
And them hips on her and them lips on her
Got me daydreaming, man
What I’m thinkin how she rides on it
If she sits on it
If she licks on it
Make it hard for me to stand up
As time goes by, attractions getting deep and
Wet dreamin, thinking I was smashin
But I’m sleepin
I want it bad, I ain’t never been obsessed before…
Guess the sexting got the best of me.
She really thought I was the real thing,
Should have been real with her that I’m a virgin.
Because when it was time to do it,
I was scared to death.
Every day afterschool I had a different homework to do:
Practice putting on condoms,
Practicing making a lady wet,
Practicing the sex positions,
Practicing to finger fuck her and muff her,
Practicing not to cum quick.
My mind had me,
Just like math’s I had to practice every day to get it right.
Back on the phone,
I called her again.
Asked her what she was doing,
She said “nothing I’m just laying on my bed
How about you babe?”
That’s when I decided to express it, I said,
“I’m watching TV, bored to death, wish I was with you on that bed”
The mood was setting in.
I didn’t look back,
I continued till she said.
“Sweetheart I’m wet”
Still not looking back,
I said it straight to her.
“Baby we have to do it”
And she agreed.
Smiling alone
This guy is proud of himself
A week passed, and we decided to bunk school.
She was supposed to come to my house
But…
I waited,
And waited,
And yet my heart still had hope,
But my mind didn’t give a fuck anymore.
_f.p
None of my friends saw her at school that day.
I thought something was wrong,
Maybe she was having a bad day.
I was angry like a businessman that just lost a client…
It was supposed to be my pay day.
The next day she arrived late at school,
Acting weird.
Not being herself,
I asked her why she didn’t come yesterday.
She said “my mom didn’t want me to go out of the house.”
I could see the lies in your eyes,
But listened to the truth your lips spoke.
_f.p
Disappointed like anyone would be,
If their partner made a fake promise.
But I couldn’t risk my relationship,
I was in love,
At that moment, I understood.
And I let it go.
In a relationship, you don’t focus on the past
But the future,
Because that’s where you going with your partner _f.p
I started to get a lot of attention.
From my classmates,
My friends.
At first, they didn’t want to tell me what was wrong.
They just looked at me and kept on asking if I was okay.
With a smile, and a confused curious face I told them “I am fine.”
It is said that you’re weak if you let people poison you.
And damage the loyalty you have for someone,
By just using words.
I wanted to prove to myself that I am not weak,
And that my queen shouldn’t worry about a thing.
From there on,
I went to her to ask her if it is okay with her for us to go to the park
After school, just to spend the rest of the day with her
And of course, she agreed.
At the park
While we were relaxing at the park, talking, mocking each other, doing what young couples do,
Then we would hug each other and have a conversation while holding each other.
Now I knew why people always told us that we are cute together,
I would just look at her and smile,
Then kiss her forehead,
Kiss her lips again,
& tell her that I love her.
Having spent hours with her,
I had to go home.
But thinking of leaving her and going home,
Where I will be all by myself in my room,
Bored to death, I didn’t want to leave her.
But I had to, it’s not like I wasn’t going to see her again.
“Don’t forget to text me when you get home”
She said to me.
“Don’t forget to tell me you miss me when you get home”
I replied.
YOU ARE READING
I AM NOT TO BLAME
Poesia"I am not to blame" is a book written for teenagers, A book that reminds teenagers to make the right choices, To realize that they have a lot to live for in life and not just Social media, clothes, relationships and friends. It's about their future...
