I AM NOT TO BLAME

Continues

I knew that what I wrote wasn't enough
But I didn't know what else to add,
I had my fears.

She kept looking at me,
And I looked away because I was thinking about the letter...

All that was left for me was to give it to her,
But not directly didn't have the guts
My friends were going to do it.

Her beauty was just too much to handle,
That it made my friends shy.
I hoped for the best though.

As I sit in class and admire her beauty,
Thinking to myself about how I see a queen.
I scratch my mind trying to figure out how this could be done. _Nicolas December

Is this my chance?
Will she agree?
Am I fooling myself?
My mind was popping up questions like its popping champagne.
_Nicolas December

#paranoid

THE LETTER WAS DELIVERED

She smiled
Of course, it's a yes.

What was the next step?

I had no idea.

We met after class,
She pulled me closer and...

There she was kissing me like never before
What I felt, I have never felt before, our kiss was different.
To be honest I was taught something I've never been taught before
This was an "extra class."
Then she popped the question...

"What took you so long?"

I replied:
"I've always liked you, but I couldn't find a better way to say it.
I saw you with different guys to me,
So, thought you most probably don't like my type.". _M.SH
That was my excuse for not trying,
Deep down I knew it was fear.
The fear of rejection. ._M.SH

I continued,
"Seeing you with other guys hurt me,
But it shouldn't,
Because you were not mine yet
But it did."

"I had a crush on you the first time I saw you,
But we were just classmates,
Somehow I didn't feel you that much,
Until you talked to me.
You developed feelings
I developed feelings."
_M.SH
"Some said I should tell you
Some said I'm out of my league
What the fuck does that even mean?"
_M.SH

I see, but it doesn't matter "babe"
She said :

Time is precious so stop wasting time. _ I.z

She added, with that facial expression that said to me,
"Next time don't do that"

The year was about to end and we might go to different high schools...
That thought worried me a lot.
It was the beginning of the end...

But I didn't consider that at the time.
I was so in love that I began to change.
I felt myself changing,
For me or her?
Definitely her.
I was now a fool,
Trying to look cool to a girl he loved.
Acting like a man,
But I was certain that I'm not a man yet.

"A man is someone who has had sex before" they say.
I was not a man yet.

She was naughty, very naughty.
But I liked that.
She would grab my dick in class, just so I could lose focus.
No lie, every time she did that I wanted her.
No actually...
I needed her.

This totally changed my perspective of dating.
Everything was just fast,
Speed of light?
That's too slow.
After months of being hers,
And, HER being mine.
Everything was settled now.
But her eyes wanted something even more,
What is it?

I had no idea.
No lie, our relationship was fun,
Romantic,
Cute, if I could say, because we were still "kids"
Well in my mind we were,
I don't know to hers.

Saying hello to someone for the first time is hard,
I know,
But saying goodbye to them for the last time?
Heartbreaking.
She wasn't dead, but I feared us separating.
Primary life was over,
We both progressed to the next grade.
Excitement was in her eyes,
Sadness was in my smile.
We did talk about which schools we applying to,
And if one school accepts both of us,
We are heading there.

(Year ends)