I AM NOT TO BLAME

The Lover

It was the first time someone gave me time to tell them the real story,
Besides my friends who had the sex tape. The rest just created rumors of their own.
Kept on saying my ex dumped me, when I left her, saying she left me depressed.
When she actually showed me the real world.

After that, I realized that sometimes you shouldn’t judge people by their looks and even character,
Everyone is a good person, you just haven’t sat them down and let them be themselves.

After a month of being “best friends”
I learned the true meaning of patience,
Because I liked her a lot, but all she would say was…

“I am not ready for a relationship, if you really love me, you will wait.”

And it was a good thing, because as time went by I learned a lot about her,
Her hidden behavior, and her naughtiness.

She would tease me over the phone knowing that I love her,
Call me and tell me sweet things or turn me on.
I always wondered where she knew all of this,
Because she seemed like a very good girl.

And again not everything is as it seems-unknown

One night
I called her and my aim was to try and turn her on
For the first time ever since we became friends.
Over the phone I said:

“I want you…”

“You what!?”
She replied, with a surprised tone.

“I want to undress you,
Touch you,
Kiss you, taste you,
I want you hard and hot
Deep and fast. I want you
Under me and on top of me,
Sitting and standing.
I want to see your eyes,
When pleasure makes you light up.
I want to hold you when you calm down
And try to find your breath.
I want everything with you…”
                                          -Robyn Carr

And for a while she was silent, I guessed she was speechless
It was unexpected I admit and a bit crazy, but I am pretty sure
It did trigger her.

Saturday
We met one Saturday afternoon,
Decided to go to the mall to buy food and refresh our minds
She was a genius at school that I’ll tell you, while I was average.
But worked on improving my marks back to where they were before I changed.

We got there and we bought MacDonald’s,
Sat down for a while and we ate,
Laughing and just having a lovely time.

And after a while,
My thought talked to me…
Remember how it all started like this?
How it all seemed like a happily ever after?
Remember how she was perfect, how she was your queen?
Remember how her touch made you forget the world?
But do you remember how it ended?
You should always remember that…

But at that moment, I ignored it,

I thought about it when I arrived home.

Late night
I was going through my gallery,
Viewing the selfies we took together
They looked so perfect, cute and just amazing.
Would she do what the other did to me?

When I started asking myself questions again,
That’s when I realized I’m falling in love without a rope,
Again…

And so, I decided to distance myself a bit from her.

But when I did that, the more she wanted to talk to me.
Until one day I told her the truth,

“Look, I know I said I love you, and all that but truth is, I don’t even know
What that is, I don’t even know if I’m ready again for it. We had a fun time together I won’t lie
But I don’t want to fall for someone who is not willing to fall for me.”