Ambivalence • Jayfeather X Reader •

~Jayfeather X Reader~|23|

[Y/W/N] blinks a couple of times and sees Spottedleaf standing in front of her with her tail lashing. "Absolutely nothing!" She hisses. Her eyes were bright and warm, yet had a cold and hard complexion. "What?" "You've done absolutely nothing. You've realized absolutely nothing, no matter how bold I am with you. Why wont you understand? I havent met a cat so oblivious in my life, and Jayfeather is no better." [Y/W/N]  flinches but is sent to a white void before she has time to respond to her. She has more flashbacks of her former life as a loner; but this time, they're rapid. She can hardly comprehend them, but does with ease somehow?

-Flashback 6-

It was clearly after Zappers death. [Y/L/N] had a bad dream including Zapper and she wasnt in a very good mood. It involved him bleeding out, and she can hardly remember anything else except his panting and limp form. [Y/L/N]  was trying to get her mind off of it by hunting and was currently stalking a  thrush. She had enough prey that she had hunted earlier out of pure boredom. She had no one, right? What else can she do? She didnt bother trying to be silent. She didnt bother trying to take her time. She just wanted the same amount of thrill she would get when she hunted for Zapper. She knew, though, that she would never get that again. Thinking about this gives the thrush time to notice her and run away. [Y/L/N] rolls her eyes. As she was about to just go back to her den, the thrush surprisingly goes in her direction again. She huffs and gives it a swift blow with her paw. It was clearly chased by something. Prey doesnt just walk into a cats grip with absolutely no reason. "H-Hello? W-Was anyone stalking a thrush...? I... I wont hurt you. This kill w-was clearly yours, t-though." [Y/L/N] cant stop her voice from cracking. She wasnt used to talking anymore. It sounded like she hasnt talked in moons, which she hasnt. She'd talk to herself, but didnt bring herself to. She wanted to. But she couldnt. Was there really a point, without anyone to listen? She could just think if she wanted to talk to herself. No response. "Y-You know its.. Leafbare, right...? You might.. Need this. Or.. Or your f-family might..." [Y/L/N]'s pathetic attempt not to stutter only made things worse. She wasnt used to cats being so close to her den, and the only one that ever got close to her, or so she thought, was Zapper. [Y/L/N] had enough prey and refused to let another cat starve because of her simple boredom. "Whatever! I dont care and I dont have to. Be a mouse brain if you want. If you arent going to take this, an eagle can." [Y/L/N] picks it up and puts it in front of the waterfall. She goes back into her den and forces herself asleep, even though it was mid day. This time, she isnt sent to a nightmare. She couldnt see anything, or feel anything. It was like she was floating, but she could hear voices. They seemed to be having a conversation.

"Zapper, you cant appear in cats dreams just because you want to any time you want! Old fleabag."

"Im not only one thats old!"

"That isnt the point."

"Well, why cant I?"

"Because. If she was a real warrior, she can get through this. Its literally been moons and she hasnt gotten over it. Its honestly surprising she can even bring herself to hunt, considering shes laying around all day feeling sorry for herself." 

"Shes not a warrior. Shes a loner with a bad past and shes my loner, at that. Shes just going through a hard time. All she needs is some inspiration. She... She thinks I left her. My kit thinks I left her and you dont even care. Ide rather be rotting with the other cats in the Dark Forest so long as I got to talk to her again, but you wont let me!"

"Oh, really? I can arrange that."

"Sure you will."

"She'll get through it. Dont you believe in her, Zapper? And by the way, even if she lives the life of a loner, she is a warrior. She always acts for Thunderclan, even without knowing it. Did you see what she did just now? She fed them before herself, even though she was hungry. She didnt want them to be scared, so she didnt bother eating her formerly caught prey in hopes the cat wouldnt get scared. That to me is normal in clanlife, but for a loner? No. Shes special. She follows our code."