Queen of Roses

54) Fate

Numb. That was all Taehyung could feel. Like the ice-cold hands of reality had torn through his chest, clutched his heart and was slowly beginning to spread the numbness through every vein in his body. Until he could feel nothing at all.

He turned away from her in a trance, his chest aching with every breath it took, his mind whirling with the new information it had been fed, scrambling to piece it all together.

It all made sense now. The sudden surge of warriors that had come to Taehyung's aid on the battlefield. The dramatic shift in the tide of the battle within the past few days. Their unexpected win over an army double their initial size and strength. It was no miracle. It was the result of an alliance. An alliance Taehyung had been completely oblivious to.

All around him, their army celebrated, drinking, laughing, cheering, dancing and feasting. His eyes caught short glimpses of them but, soon, they only became a blur of colours and shapes to his unfocused eyes. He knew they were cheering, but he could not hear anything other than his own heart beating loudly in his ears. Had his body been this exhausted a few moments ago? Why could he only now feel every scrape, every bruise on his body so potently?

For a split second, his gaze landed on his own group of friends as they chattered cheerfully and basked in each others presence. And he could not help but feel a stab of envy at the happy reunion they were allowed to have. The happy ending they had been granted while Taehyung and Chaeyoung's future crumbled right before them.

The world spun around him more and more with every heavy step he took away from her. He needed to think. He needed to force himself to understand. He needed to breathe. And he could not do any of those things with her so near. Turning away when she was already so miserable crushed his heart into a thousand pieces, but he feared that one more look into those pained, glistening eyes would be the certain death of him.

"Tae, wait," she pleaded, and he could hear her hurried footsteps before she reached out to grab one of his cold, numb hands, "please give me a chance to explain."

He froze at her touch, his body welcoming it like it needed it more than anything else in the world in that moment. His eyes drifted shut, absorbing the pain that seered through him upon hearing the crack in her voice. The way her fingers trembled. How uncertain her touch had become. As if he would ever possess the power to reject it.

Perhaps, given the time and the space he could force himself to smother the pain in a deep recess of his heart, but knowing that she was experiencing the exact same emotions made it infinitely harder. He could handle tragedies, he had been dealt a series of them in his lifetime, but her sadness was something he could never endure.

"Please," she whispered again, and Taehyung did not have to turn around to know she was crying again.

But he did turn around. With a deep breath, he pushed aside all instincts within him to run, to hide, to protect himself, so that maybe, just maybe, he could ease some of the pain residing behind those dark eyes he loved so much.

He did not meet her gaze. He was not strong enough for that. But he did manage a silent nod. That was all she needed. Immediately, her fingers tightened around his and she turned around, leading him towards one of the large tents in the corner of the camp.

She sat him down on a wooden bench in the center of the tent before pulling up another stool and sitting directly in front of him. Her hands twitched towards his for a brief second and he could almost see the internal battle she fought with herself as she tried to decide whether or not to hold his hand. After a few seconds, though, she thought better of it and dropped both her hands onto her lap, clasping them tightly together. Still unable to look into her eyes, Taehyung kept his gaze carefully trained on those hands.