Hiding

Chapter 8

Merlin's mouth was only slightly agape as Arthur moved back, something he considered an accomplishment on its own, because Arthur Pendragon, the man he was very much in love with, had kissed him, again, after saving his life, while he was no longer in mortal peril, right after he had seemed to accept Merlin's magic. Merlin thought he had to be in a dream, because this was everything he had imagined. While Merlin tired to make sense of everything that had just happened, Arthur collected himself and proceeded with his story.

"Gaius told me that he and the Great Dragon—yes, I know about him as well, calm down—that he and the Great Dragon believe you to be a creature of Druidic legend and prophecy, Emrys, and that you were magic itself." He barely gave Merlin pause to digest that information before moving on. "As such, the manacles were affecting you differently than they would someone such as Gaius or I. They were powerful enough to overcome your own magic, but no so powerful that they would kill you.

"He said that there were three ways spells like this have been broken. Sacrifice, death, and true love's kiss. I couldn't very well let someone sacrifice their life. That's no way to cure someone. And if I sacrificed my own life, you would be a dead man anyway. Death, well, we couldn't simply wait until you were dead to see if the spell would break. It would be rather pointless, don't you think?

"That left true love's kiss. It had only worked once before, and we weren't entirely sure that the circumstances were similar enough for it to work. Gaius said you'd be dead by tomorrow night if we didn't do something. But it couldn't do any harm, and if it didn't work, we would simply have to find another cure. Honestly, I wasn't sure if a one-sided love would be enough, but—"

"It's not one-sided." Merlin said quickly, finally realizing the implication of Arthur's words. Arthur kissed him. Arthur woke him up. Arthur loved him. He was sure there was more that he needed to process, but the only thing that he could focus on was the fact that Arthur loved him enough to break a powerful spell.

"I—what?"

"It's not one-sided, Arthur." Merlin repeated, trying in vain to push the meaning of his own words into Arthur's head. When Arthur proved to be a bit slow in figuring out what Merlin was saying, Merlin muttered, "Oh for crying out loud," then reached up to bring Arthur's face to his and kissed him—hard.

Arthur made a surprised noise, as if he had finally reached the conclusion Merlin had meant him to, and kissed back eagerly. Both were giddy in the revelation that their feelings were reciprocated, but were brought back to reality when Gaius coughed politely. Arthur pulled back up, slightly breathless and red in the face, then cast an embarrassed glance in the physician's direction. He decided the best course of action was to simply return to the story. He looked at Merlin, whose eyes had still not faded from the gold, he noted.

"Er, right. So uh, I asked Gaius if he thought that a kiss would work, and we weren't sure, but it was our only option. So I, uh, kissed you. And then you woke up, and you know the rest." He shifted slightly in his seat, not really sure what to do with himself now that he wasn't physically holding Merlin down or kissing him, which seemed to be the popular positions of the hour.

Merlin, however, was just staring into Arthur's eyes. He had been too distracting by all the kissing and talking before to realize that the gold in Arthur's eyes hadn't faded, but had instead restricted itself to Arthur's irises. He cocked his head slightly, wondering why Arthur's eyes would be gold. He'd only seen magic-users' eyes turn gold when they were using magic. It wouldn't make sense for Arthur's eyes to be gold right now, because he didn't have magic... right?

He thought about everything that happened tonight.

The foreign magic he'd felt, the magic that had felt comforting and nice.

Arthur's eyes turning that swirling, completely gold color when he had kissed Merlin, right before the shackles had disintegrated.

Something Arthur had said—someone such as Gaius or I.

Merlin knew Gaius used to practice magic in the days before the ban—a sorcerer. But the only reason Arthur would be affected by the shackles was if—if he was a warlock. Was it Arthur's magic he'd felt coursing through him before? Was he jumping to conclusions? Because why would Uther have a ban on magic if his own son was a warlock? Unless Uther didn't know?

"Arthur," Merlin began quietly, a question in his voice, "do you have magic?"

Arthur looked momentarily surprised, as if he hadn't really expected Merlin to figure it out, before slowly nodding.

"Does your father know?" Arthur shook his head. Merlin could imagine how hard it must have been, to be a teenage boy figuring out that he was the exact thing his father despised, the same as every sorcerer and warlock his father had executed. But despite his failings as a father, Merlin simply couldn't believe that Uther would have executed his own son and heir. "Why?"

Arthur looked down, his expression telling of all the times he had wanted to tell his father over the last 10 years, of every time he had been forced to watch his father execute his kin. He took a shaky breath before answering Merlin.

"I was 12 the first time something made my magic come out. A mirror shattered. I thought it was a fluke. It was nearly a year before it happened again. I would have tripped over the edge of a deadly cliff, if my magic hadn't stopped me from falling. It happened more and more frequently after that, and eventually I went to Gaius about it. I thought he'd know what was wrong with me. It was he who suggested that I had magic.

"I was scared. I grew up under the ban, with my father impressing the evils of magic upon me daily. I didn't trust it. Gaius told me I couldn't fear it, that I wouldn't be able to hide it if I couldn't control it. I thought that maybe if I told my father that I had magic, he'd have to repeal the ban, that—that maybe he loved me more than he hated magic. Gaius thought differently.

"He told me that he wasn't sure there was anything we could do to convince my father to repeal the laws against magic, that he'd been against magic for too long to have any hope of changing his mind. He said my father might think me unfit for the throne, if he should spare me the pyre. I was a scared child. I wasn't prepared to risk that in the hopes that my father would see the error of his ways. So Gaius helped me to control and hide it."

"Who else knows?" Merlin asked, knowing what Arthur must have been through.

"The only people who know are in this room."

Merlin closed his eyes. He knew exactly how Arthur must feel sometimes. It was lonely, knowing that no one could know the whole you, because if they did, you'd find yourself on the pyre the next day. Even in Ealdor, only his mother and Will knew. In Camelot, Gaius was the only one that knew. Lancelot had found out, but he had left. But now, the one person he had wanted to tell for ages knew, and he had not only accepted Merlin, but would understand what it meant to hide your true self from the people you loved.

He opened his eyes to see a tear slide down Arthur's cheek. Almost on impulse, he pulled Arthur closer and kissed him lightly on the lips, a reassurance that he was there, that he understood, that Arthur wasn't alone.

"I love you." Merlin whispered, touching his forehead to Arthur's.

There was the ghost of a smile on Arthur's lips as he whispered back, "I love you, too."