On may 20-21, my grandmother passed away by Leucemia and pneumonia.
She just couldnt continue fighting anymore. I was not told about this, I put the pieces together after getting a message from my sisters friend that was watching over me. I dont blame my parents for not having the heart to tell me but it still hurt alot.
Sadly I couldnt go with my mom and sister when they went back to Colombia to visit her since her condition got worse again. I did have the choice to go, I couldve skipped the end of the year school trip and the award ceremony but I didnt, my mom made up the excuse to my aunt that I couldnt go because of finals. Which I finished two weeks earlier.
At last minute I gave my mom a drawing with a note that said "I'll see you soon, stay strong so I could see you next time I go. I love you ^^"
Than they left to Colombia, leaving me with my dad, telling me not to worry about it and that everything will be fine.
And that's what I did, I attended the field trip and the award ceremony and had a lot of fun with my friends. But the anxiety for my grandmother's condition remained in the back of my mind.
Than I received the from my sisters friend on the 21, it seemed odd...but thanks to the ability to read the feelings through text messages. I was able to put the pieces together and concluded that she passed away.....
Then the day after that I went to target with my dad to buy a jacket for the field trip. That's when I asked him what was really going on with grandma and the family, since everytime I asked I would get vague answers. He looked at me with a shocked face in the rearview mirror before it turned into a face full of sorrow. He sighed and explained everything.
After hearing that I couldnt help but cry quietly in the car, I didnt want to upset my dad so when he looked back at me from the rear view mirror, I gave him a smile before looking out the window. When I got home and went to bed, I cried for a while. The feeling of guilt hit me hard, thought such as 'you couldve seen her' or 'your so selfish' crossed my mind over and over again until I fell asleep. The next day and pretended like nothing happened, I smiled through the day even though I felt like crying more I honestly couldnt.
Some time later the pain slowly faded thankfully, But I still hold the guilt and stray Pain to this day. Though I've come to accept it to the best of my ability, thanks to my family and friend that kept me smiling and laughing.
But anyway the letter below was something I wrote to cope with all this, it was a letter to my grandmother.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hi abuelita! I miss you alot, but I know your doing alot better up there in heaven than you were down here. I'm sorry I couldnt see you for one last time, I honestly should have dropped the school trip and award ceremony but I didnt. I went to those events thinking that you would get my drawing, smile at it and try your hardest to get better so the next time I would see you I could smile with you and play board games. But that didnt go as planned, you fought for so long to watch all of us grow up, to watch over all of us with our daily lives. Your doing that now but it's easier now, you can watch over everyone you care about without the worry of money and health. Your and amazing person, I always knew that. True I was sad when I heard about your passing but I was glad you didnt have to fight anymore, you can finally be at peace. I love you, bye ♡
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
YOU ARE READING
self therapy
RandomI just wanted to make this for me, and for others who might've gone through similar things to me to be able to tell they're stories too. this is like a safe place since Wattpad has been a safe place for me for years.
