.......... "just put your left leg on the window" i whispered " then push yourself up and i'll help by pulling you up to me" i continued
" I CAN NOT FUCKING DO THIS" she screamed,
"STOP FUCKING SHOUTING YOU GONNA WAKE MY PARETS UP" okay great now i am shouting.
after some pulling and pushing she finally up in the rooftop,
" so this is where you spend time?" she asked me and seemed genuinely interested
" yeah, i guess." i paused, which is something i do with every conversation since i'm not interested in having social conversation, it just seem boring to me to talk about meaningless stuff and chitchat was never my thing, but everyone else seemed to enjoy it. "yeah. i spend a lot of time here, mostly smoking and thinking, but you are the first person to come here and you are not welcome." i tried to open up this time. everything changed, so why not have a chitchat with own body with a girl i barely know in it,
"do you have to always be defensive in all you answers ? it is not funny you know? it hurt people sometimes" she whispered
"well it is called sarcasm, which i enjoy and not everyone gets, i like to be myself and to be different, since i was a kid, i was always attracted to the black sheep, and that one little boy who is never in the playground, i never like the blond popular girl in high school and i never felt bad for not having a social life, i have always been different, and i enjoy it"
"you are not as different as you think you are, we are all different. different eyes see different lives"
"i don't think liking the same thing as everyone make you different from them nor waring the same clothes." we both seemed to be thinking quietly, i reached the cigarette pack from beside me and and lit one then handed it to her, then lit a second one for me, as much i as i enjoyed my own company as i wanted to keep talking to her so i broke the silence "maybe different eyes see different lives, but different minds enjoy different lives yet everyone seem to enjoy the same things. there is nothing bad about that, but there is nothing bad in my side too."
she turned to me as she sucked on that cigarette and replied quietly as she blew the smoke " we have much more in common then what you think, being different is not exclusive. you think you are so different but i bet there is someone out there that think the same, does that make you exclusive? i don't think so. i even bet that me and you have so much in common then what you believe;wanna bet on that?"
she seemed to have a good point, maybe i'm not as different as i think i am, but i'm still different. "only time will tell. i don't really enjoy this life anyways, it all seems fake, what is the point? you eat work and play then you die, is there heaven ? is there hell? is there a point of all this? i really don't know, and i don't think there is an answer that will fulfill my thirst for knowledge."
she was quite for few moment, enjoying her cigarette as i was enjoying mine and she broke the silence " Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said in his book manon,bellerina ( But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.), you are having your spring and there will be a time when winter will come, do we want it to come? most of us do not, but it will still come and when it comes no one knows where it will be spent. is there heaven and hell? i do not know. is there a dark hole that will suck us into a infinite darkness where we do not know if we exist or we ever did? i do not know that, and no person on this earth will ever know."
i thought: no person will ever know on this earth will ever know
i thought: no person will ever know
i thought: no person
our cigarettes were over and as i was reaching to grab a new one she spoke "do you believe in god?" and that is a question that i don't even know if i should be answering it.
" i thought about it before, but the more i think the more complicated it gets but overall i do want to believe in god since the idea of a big bang doesn't seem to make any sense nothing can come from nothing that is what nothing mean. the evolution doesn't make any sense to me. okay maybe we started by being Homo sapiens but where did Homo sapiens came from? you can't just start from nothing. so to answer your question." and i paused and took puff from the cigarette she lit for me "i do believe in god, because i want to and but i do not know how god is and what is he made of and that which leads to believe is heaven and hell but to be honest with you i feel like heaven and hell are made up places by people so they can feel better about themselves and their beloved, but i could get into more details about it however it's time for us to go to sleep so i'll go down now. you coming down or still wanna be here?"
"i guess i'll stay a little bit longer, i'm waiting for that jamaican dude to login, the package should arrive today but i don't know where."
i wished her a goodnight and went to sleep.
i woke up to the sound of crashing as i yelled "WHAT THE ...........
