Philosophy of a Loner

Louloby

I have spent countless nights turning and spinning on my bed without being able to fall asleep.

Just laying there on my mattress waiting an eternity just for me to close my eyes.

But lately i discovered something that always seems to succeed into making me fall asleep.
It is a lalouby of somesort that works for me like a magic spell that never fails to do its job.

Every time when im drowned in sorrow and sadness and reach the point where i just cant stand it anymore.
I find myself falling asleep quite easily without any resistance.
And so sleeping slowly became an escape from the suffering and all the pain that im feeling at that moment.

Id be upset and frustrated filled with feelings of self loathing then a few seconds later i lose my consciousness and go to the land of dreams .
At first i thought i might of just been too mentally and emotionally tired and that's why i fell asleep like that without any resistance.

But after this happend several times i knew that it wasn't that simple.
I was addicted at being asleep
And i romanticize the thought of closing my eye and leaving all my problems behind.

And go into my dreams where i dont feel anything.
Even if i did when i wake up i dont remember anything i dreamt about.
So for me it was an escape into nothingness.
No pain, no sorrow, no sadness, no feelings of being hurt and no more anything.

To be honest i dont know if i cant remember anything or if i truly dont feel anything.
I just know that when i wake up for what seems to be a few minutes i dont seem to feel anything and i remember nothing of my dreams.
All i feel when i look back into the void of what i can remember of my dreams is that in those moments i dont remember being broken, depressed or hurt.

Well whatever it is i can't wait to be in that state again and leave everything behind.
Sweet dreams.

-by a man who seem to have found the cure to his insomia