Cholo

(13) Trece

As a child I lost my mother. I was too young to understand loss. That her not being in the picture was not as hard as it was on my papi. I barely knew her. I only started to yearn for a mother when I had my first period, or when I went on my first date. In those moments my father struggled. He lacked the feminine approach; the way a woman would understand another. The mother-daughter bond was something I grew up wanting. But growing in Freeridge created an extra layer of skin; skin so thick that you start to grow numb to loss.

When Death approaches, it's not uncommon. A lot of people are gunned down on the streets. Every step, every street of Freeridge has a shrine of a dead person. As if that person would want to have their photo stuck to the place they died. I know that if I was one of them, I'd rather have my shrine somewhere more peaceful than Freeridge.

As pathetic as I think shrines are, I still made my way to Olivia's with bouquet of roses. I haven't paid my respect to the girl, or sat with Ruby. If there's anyone that can understand him, it has to be me. When you witness a person you love dies before your eyes; it haunts you. You blame yourself for universe's mistake. You think that the fault falls on you; you could've done something that prevented this incident. You start to wonder if the universe really cares. Why are the good people dying?

But when you start to think this way, grief morphs into anger. Raw and unsettling rage. You detach yourself from you beliefs; from god and the people. You blame them, but deeply blame yourself. It's a stage of grief where you become numb. Where words of encouragement's are fractured.

I don't understand how one can cope with grief. If I surrender myself to it, it will engulf me into it's abyss. A dark, miserable place where my body would break. I won't be able to crawl out of it. I will be stuck.

I screwed my eyes shut, breathing heavily. Reopening them to face Olivia's beaming smile. I leaned down, placing the roses.

I muttered an apology. I breathed heavily as the memory of her body fluttered through my mind. She lacked the glow of life; a corpse pale and gaunt. She wasn't as radiant as she was; cold and lifeless. I never thought that I would see someone I care for being rushed into the ER. I never imagined that one of them would be my papi. His surgery succeeded but the universe had other plans. Why take them away? How is it the universe only cares for the privileged?

If you lived in place like Brentwood, you wouldn't hear gunshots, you wouldn't be able to identify the type of gun used, you won't know what's it like to live your day as if it's your last - because in Freeridge, it might be your last. 

"Mia?" A voice croaked drawing me back.

I looked up to see Cesar. He scratched his head, glancing down at the floor, as if ashamed to look at me. I sighed feeling empathetic towards the kid. He stood a few feet away.

"Mi cielito, [my heaven]" my arm was wrapped around my waist, a hand was placed to my lips, "I'm sorry." My hands fell to sides.

Cesar's face showed confusion as he stared at me, quizzically. "Sorry? For what?" He stepped closer.

"For dodging you," sighing, "for pushing you away when you needed me the most." I averted my eyes from his.

"It's ok." He shrugged. "You had a good reason too."

I looked up at him remembering what the police officer told me. Papi was seen jumping in front of Cesar. "He saved you for me."

I sat on the sidewalk, patting on the floor. Cesar sat. I nudged his shoulder. "I don't blame you, Cariño." [dear/darling]

"You should." He interjected.

A light laughed left my lips. "Eres como un hermano para mí [you're like a brother to me]," I threw an arm around his shoulder, "if I don't forgive you, who would?"

"What about Oscar?" His eyes fleeting around the street.

"What about him?"

"He won't allow this." His hands motioned between us.

"Remember Lilo and Stitch?" I watched his features cloud with confusion, but nonetheless he nodded his head. "What did they say about family?"

He shrugged his shoulders, a smile playing at his lips.

Rolling my eyes, "Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten."

"For a twenty three year old, you shouldn't memorize Disney movies anymore." He laughed.

I childishly mimicked his words, followed by sticking my tongue out. Which only served with his laughter to increase. I too joined in; wrapped up with a relieved sense of accomplishment.   

"¡Hermano! [brother]" A voice called from behind the fence. Cesar pulled me to my feet; pulling me as he hid behind a bush. I gave him a quizzical stare. He motioned with his head towards Jamal's figure.

"Why are you hiding?" I whispered.

"I need a break from Jamal." He sighed.

"Why?" I pushed.

"I live with him." His head shook, as we waited for Jamal's figure to disappear back inside.

"You know my home is always open for you." I pinched his cheek. "Mi cielito."

"Thanks." He smiled, pulling me back to my feet.

I brushed off some leaves. I gave him a hug, pulling out some cash I shoved into his hand. Cesar pushed it back, but I insisted. "Take it, and if you need anything," I stressed the word 'anything', "por favor no dude en preguntar [please do not hesitate to ask]."

I smiled before walking away.

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A/N: Such a short chapter but I promise to make it up on the next one! And I might shift the narration to merge Oscar.
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*Spanish is not one of the languages I speak, I know some phrases and such; but I was mainly using the internet and google translate- please notify me of any errors.*
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This is purely a fan fiction.

I do not own "On My Block" or any of it's characters all rights are reserved/belong to Netflix. The plot and story of the series belong to Jeremy Haft, Eddie Gonzalez, and Lauren Lungerich. Directed by Lauren Lungerich. As such all claims are reserved to Netflix, and those listed prior to this sentence.

I only own characters that do not appear on/part of the series.