Dear Me

Simula

Simula

Dear Me,

If you are reading this right now it's either you just finished forcing your smile in front of them or you're beneath your favourite blanket. Not because you're cold but I know you are scared. You are afraid that the monster might come anytime now. Not the monster under your bed but the one inside your head.

I know you are comfortable when you put down all the curtains and turned all the lights off. You also locked the door. But now, I want you to try new things. I want you to open the lights. Play your favourite songs. Eat every food your Mom has prepared for you. Take a long shower. Wear your favourite shirt. Then, look in the mirror and cry.

Yes. I want you to cry. Put down the mask you are wearing. Wipe the small smile on your face. Be vulnerable in front of me. Don't be afraid. I won't judge you like everyone has done to you.

Pour every weight in your chest. Put away the scissors and the blades you've cherished. You don't need it anymore.

Look down at the scars written in your skin. See it for yourself how far you've been through. How courageous you have become for taking it all inside.

Do not forget Him. If you want someone to talk to, He will hear you out.

See how the clock runs. Tick-tack. It shows the world still goes around. The time waits for no one. No matter how people spend every minute. No matter how many people fail. No matter how many people rejoice. No matter who, what, when, and how. The time will run in its own pace.

So, be the clock of your own. Don't mind how you'll do after. Don't mind when will it be gone. Don't think who will leave this time. Just do it because you want it. Do it for your own without the hesitation of past and fear of the future.

This is just a one chapter of your life. Do not end it yet.

You will be happy. Trust me because I know. One day, people will come in your life bringing changes and happiness that you longed for.

Just be patient.

Always keep going.

Loving,

The Future Happy You.

Sinara ko ang journal matapos itong basahin. Mula kagabi nang makita ko ito sa isang bench ay hinihila na ako ng mga pahina nito. Para akong tinatawag. Hindi ko ugali na mangialam ng gamit na hindi naman sa akin. Pero ngayong umaga, ito agad ang unang bumungad sa akin.

Wala akong nagawa kundi ang buklatin ang kulay itim na isang 'di kalakihang kwaderno. Ang unang pahina ay isa lang blankong papel kaya't inilipat ko ito sa pangalawa. Inaasahan ko na wala ring nakasulat doon katulad sa nauna pero nagkamali ako. Doon ko nga nabasa ang liham na 'to.

Nang mabasa ko ang mga salita na nandoon ay 'di ko maiwasan na makaramdam ng kaunting ginhawa na may halong kakaibang pakiramdam. Ang corny ng pagkakasulat pero medyo comforting. Katulad sa feeling na nanonood ka ng isang palabas tapos may mga linya doon ng characters na parang isinulat para sa'yo.

Pero sino pa kaya ngayon ang nagsusulat ng ganito sa mga panahon ngayon? Natatawa na lang ako pag-iniisip ko. Kahit kailan ay hinding hindi ko iyon gagawin.

Tanghali nang umalis ako sa bahay. Dala dala ko lang ay isang maliit na backpack at suot ay simpleng puting t-shirt at isang itim na pantalon na sinabayan ng isang sneakers.