Introvert and Proud

Diary Entry #6

Saturday, September 28, 2014

  Dear Diary,

 I have been listening to The Script and out of all the songs they've performed, I decided that I loved Breakeven and Superheroes the most. The latter tugged on your heart strings while the other refilled the confidence in you, when I opened it up to listen, I patiently waited for it to load. I ran my fingers through my hair then I heard the instrumentals and it was so damn beautiful.

 A few days ago there was a festival at school, especially for the teachers and I brought my old film camera with me, nothing to record good memories. There was a buffet and there was loud music and dancing and a surprise for them, the whole school had been decorated pre-event. It was impossible to do anything when they watched your every move. So when everyone had gone home, that's when the mice came to play while cats were away.

 My batchmates hung banners, designed by them and they stuck sticky notes all over homeroom and pretty much every other room, I was there too otherwise I wouldn't be writing about it. In eleven hours, the festival would begin. I was told to bring some brownies. I relied on Mom for that but I reckon she wouldn't be very pleasant about it. But we all have to do a little something.

 And to be honest, the entire thing was a success, everyone had a great time. Marie and I were the photographers and we took various memories into film and took "selfies"-- pictures where in a person or more poses upclose to the camera with some wacky face. I didn't especially mind but a tinge of envy struck me as I watched them. To see the smiles on their faces and them laughing till the entire universe can hear them made me somewhat bitter. I was too shy to join them or to say hello or to do anything, because they looked at me like I was an outsider. And it wasn't only them, I felt the exact same way when I was with Yassie sometimes. Like I didn't belong, like I had so stupidly interrupted their moments by invading.

 And I'll tell you, I closed my eyes and dreamed of a different reality where I was noticed and had many friends and I was full of confidence and I had a--a boyfriend. Time stopped for me again and I blinked my eyes open, shallow breathes escaped my lips as I took a look around me, everyone was frozen in time. I wondered if they could see me at all. The colors of their eyes lingered all around me. It was a moment, a beautiful moment caught in time, that's what it was to me but to them it might be something else entirely, if ever I acquainted them with my experiences, I knew they'd look at me anomalously.

 I'd tell of how they'd look so still and they would offer up their suspicions and tell me how crazy I sounded and I would just smile because they would never understand anyway.

 And God, if you're reading this or if you hear my thoughts, tell me why. Tell me why time stops when I'm breathing or when I close my eyes, why does it do that?

_______________________________

a/n:

so terribly sorry for not updating for three days. I was really busy with everything at school and outside school, I have a very strange but fun life. I'll be posting another soon just as some unpaid debt to all that read this. thank you for choosing to read this if you've began reading Introvert and Proud, hopefully you will not regret it.