Introvert and Proud

Diary Entry #8

Tuesday, October 1, 2014

   Dear Diary,

Time had gone by so fast, it was already October. Everything that's happened in September has already been put behind me, there was no going back no matter what you wanted to fix. I smiled for a second before letting my lips curve into a frown. It's stuck there and it won't wear off no matter what I do, or who cracks a joke or tickles me because everything has changed. I haven't experienced any change in time since I last wrote on you.

  I just got home from school, we didn't do much really. We had a game about words in Physics with Mr. Ryeman and I nearly got bored from doing nothing. I'd give the occasional smile every now and then but it never reached my eyes. I felt really lonesome, Ruby was being silent and moody so I didn't want to talk with her, I didn't like it when she was like that. She easily gets on my nerves how easily she snaps at you if you do things more fast.

Jonas was being loud today and I learned after a few months of being here, it's normal for him to act that way and all you had to do was laugh and it was as if a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. I was glad that he was my friend. He was a volleyball player too actually, I would often watch him and the other him play, they were on the same team and Jonas was slender and tall while he was tall and large but not in the sense that he was fat. They were really good. I wanted to play but I could never get over there without scampering away like a scared mouse.

 I closed my eyes and wished for time to stop and it obeyed, I walked through the canteen in silence, taking a few glances every now and then. I made contact with several looks that looked like hyenas laughing like there was no tomorrow and the others chattering away even in their frozen state. I made it to the field and saw the ball, it was like stop motion, it was just a few feet in the center of the net. I felt my hands begin to tremble. I knew I could do this, I positioned myself and asked time to resume again.

The ball came swerving at me, and I just hit it with my eyes closed and I felt my cheeks redden but stopped being so nervous when I heard cheering. The beaming sunlight blinded my sight temporarily before I vaguely saw who stood in front of me. I really then blushed.

 "Damn, Jill, you didn't tell me you were a good hit," Jonas complimented, a small smile tugged at my lips. His one hand was resting on my forearm. It was warm and friendly but I couldn't help but feel as if I was developing some kind of crush. I had to stop it so I walked away without another word. 

 I felt a small bubble inside of me pop. It was a good feeling, I had just gotten out of my comfort zone and did something out of the ordinary. but I don't think Jonas appreciated the fact that I left without saying anything because he just stood there, watching me leave.

 Thank you God for letting me do this, thank you.