What does love really means?
That is the first question that pop ups in my mind when I said "yes, i do father" to the man that I spent 60 years with, until now.
The man that I married is my long time boyfriend. He courted me when I was 15, It takes five months after I said yes to him at exactly 12:01 at January 1. Yes, new year's eve. I decided to spend my new year with him and to change my year with the person who i fell in love with. Fell in love with. It feels so strange for me to said those words. But, I know It is love. It is love. I tried to convince my self.
We've spent a lot of memories together. He was there on my most favorite and miserable days. And I was in his too. We decided to part ways at my age 21 to reach out my dreams after I finish college. Well, we really did not break up, its just we we considered ourselves to be in a long distance relationship.
Its really hard for me. Most of the time I always end up staring at the blank. I always had this thought of him. And I realized all of my life I had never been this dependable to someone. Not until now, that he's not anywhere to be found in this unfamiliar place I stayed in.
We've overcome a lot of huge problem while we are apart. It was the most frustrated days that I have when I was away. At the age of 25 and he was 28, we get married. It feels surreal. Yes, I was done reaching my dreams. I was stable and fine. And he was too. So we end up in a beach wedding with my family and his. Well, with our closest friends too.
Years had past. I should feel contented with my status and stable life. But I don't. It feels like there is something wrong.
I had this memories with someone I doesn't know. It really drives me insane. Somehow, when i dig deeper into my memories my heart aches.
"Lola, naka handa na po ang pagkain ninyo kanina pa. Dito ka ba po ulit kakain?"
Nagising ako sa realidad. Palagi nalang akong naka tunganga sa veranda ng aming munting bahay dito malapit sa dagat. Dapit hapon na pala pero hindi pa ako nakakakain.
"Ion, apo ko. Pwede bang sabihan mo ang nanay mo na dito nalang ulit ako kakain. Pasensya at di ko na namalayan ang oras."
Napakamot ng batok ang pang walo kong apo sa aking panganay na anak at agad bumalik sa kusina upang ipaghanda ako ng pagkain.
Binalik ko ang tingin sa magandang tanawin. Hindi parin kumukupas ang ganda ng karagatan at kung paano sumasayaw ang mga puno sa ihip ng hangin. Inuubos ko ang oras ko araw araw sa pag sulyap lang sa tanawing ito.
Simula nuong bumukod kami dito sa isla ng Sandingan sa Bohol. Ito palagi ang pinag tutuonan ko ng oras. This island is a well known because of the beauty of the sea. After a year of our marriage we buy a land that is close to our home and yet close with the sea also. We decided to build a resort and a stay houses for some travelers that stayed a year or a month in the island.
Now, my eldest son takes the position of his father in handling our business. Agarang lumaki ang aming negosyo at nakapagtayo kami ng isa pang resort ngunit isang public beach katabi ng aming main resort.
Pero mas ginusto ko ang manatili dito sa munting bahay namin nuong unang dating pa namin dito sa isla. Ang mga anak ko ay nakapagtayo na ng kanilang mga mansyon dito sa isla ngunit hindi naman sila dito namamalagi sa probinsya kundi nandoon sa Manila at sa bansang Europa.
"Nay, I've been wondering why do you sleep separately with tatay? Is there a problem?" Nagtatakang tanong ni Eva saakin. Siya ang asawa ng aking panganay na anak.
Dumating si Ion na may dalang tubig. Ngumiti ako at nagpasalamat sa aking apo. Napa upo silang dalawa sa duyan na katabi sa aking inuupuan.
Matagal ko ng tinago ito sa lahat ng aking mga anak. Baka ito na ang oras na sabihin ko na ngunit di sa kanila.
