REUNION (Complete)

Part 3

Nicolei

"Okay, so I'll start. Hmm, its funny coz I really don't know where to start, to be honest." Simula ni Tim

Natawa ako sabay inom sa hawak kong tsaa.

"I know this will be hard for you to understand but I want you to hear me first before you say something. Okay?" Pagpapatuloy niya.  At lumingon siya sakin.

Tumango lang ako. Bilang pag sang ayon.

"Hm. I like you. No, I love you. Mahirap paniwalaan pero yan yung totoo. Para sakin yan ang totoo kasi yan yung nararamdaman ko."

Is this for real? Inaamin niya ba talaga sakin na mahal niya ko?

"If you can still remember, I broke up with Thea after a month ng maging kaibigan kita. I know in myself na ikaw yung pangarap ko e. Ang pangit man pakinggan na nakipaghiwalay ako sakanya dahil may gusto akong iba pero wala eh. Ikaw at ikaw lang eh. But I didn't take it lightly. I mean, sinadya kong hindi ka ligawan at ang gusto ko lang muna ay mapalapit sayo at makilala ka. Kasi ayokong magkamali, ayokong bigla ka lang mawala ng ganun kabilis oras na magkamali ako. At habang tumatagal, mas napapalapit ako sayo, at ganun ka rin sakin. Nalaman ko lahat ng mga gusto mo, future goals, standards mo sa lalaki. I have learned that we didn't have a lot in common. But it doesn't mean ayaw ko na sayo, instead it made me questioned my capabilities as a person. Napagtanto ko na hindi ako handa sa lahat ng nalaman ko. Di ko kayang ioffer yung sarili ko kasi alam kong kulang pa ako. And I know that you too are still not ready yet.

Tahimik lang akong pinapakinggan siya.

"I was an asshole. I know that we kissed."

Nagulat ako. So alam niya. Natatandaan niya.

"Yes, I remember. It's still crystal clear in my head. I am really sorry if denied everything. I'm sorry if I lied. I was the one who initiated the kiss, I know. And god knows how happy I was that night. It was a passionate kiss and we were drunk, but I was fully aware of what's happening that time. And I'm sorry again If lied to you. Natakot ako, nahiya, kasi ramdam kong disappointed ka. Dahil alam kong gusto mo yung first kiss mo ay yung mapapang asawa mo na. Eh ni hindi mo nga ako boyfriend. You were also my first kiss at hindi din kita girlfriend. 4th yr. Highschool pa lang din tayo nun. And of all people ako ang nakakaalam ng mga plano mo at gusto mo pero dahil sa nangyari para bang tinraydor kita."

Nararamdaman ko ng namumuo yung luha ko.

"I can't stand the reality when it hits me. Gusto kita pero di ko pala kayang salubungin yung reaction mo, you were really disappointed with yourself that time and not to mention I felt that you were ashamed of what happened. Di mo ko sinisi pero sa sarili mo binunton lahat ng pagkakamali kaya nung sinabi mong kalimutan na lang natin yung nangyari, labag man sa kalooban ko pumayag ako dahil yun ang gusto mo."

Diretso lang ang tingin niya, ganun din ako. Pero, halo halo na ang nararamdaman ko, sadness, regrets.. Aaaahhh! A lot of what if's.

"Masaya akong walang nagbago after nung night na nag kiss tayo. We remained bestfriends. Para bang walang nangyari. But then, another night came. Yung get together natin sa resort niyo sa Batangas. We were so happy that night. I can still remember your smile, the way you laugh. May sarili tayong mundo, pumunta tayong dalawa sa malapit sa dalampasigan, kinakanta ko yung paborito mong kanta habang isinasayaw kita."

Naalala ko, sobrang saya ko nga nung gabing yun. Yung mga mata niya na para bang ako lang ang nakikita. Tama siya, para kaming may sariling mundo. Para bang amin lang ang mundo.

"Natulog tayo sa isang couch near sa pool area and having you in my arms while you were asleep and at peace, I swear to god that was the best night of my life. . But then, I'm sorry kinailangan kitang iwanan dun. I hate to admit it but tinamaan na naman ako ng pagkaduwag ko. Naalala ko na naman lahat ng nangyari the night we kissed. Hindi ko pa kayang panindigan ang nararamdaman ko. Alam kong kulang pa ko, and we were still in our sophomore year in college. I can't give you the world yet. I can't give you the life that you deserve that time. I know in myself I am not good enough. It turned out that the best night of my life would be my worst din pala." Mapait na ngiti ang gumuhit sakanyang mga labi.