Bechloe - A Bit Of Slap And Tickle

Chapter I

Beca Mitchell didn't have the best start in life. First, Beca was born with a male appendage but her parents loved her regardless. She was still a beautiful girl and was treated no differently from anyone else. She had all the features of a female except for that but Beca hated it. She felt like a freak but her parents did everything they could to make her feel better. Nobody knew about Beca's situation except for her parents and she planned to keep it that way. Beca wanted to get rid of it but she quickly grew used to it and didn't bother. She accepted that's who she was and that's all there was to it. However, just when Beca was getting settled in herself, her parents divorced. Beca was only nine at the time and it tore her apart - her parents were leaving each other. Beca's mother left her father and Beca didn't understand why. At first, she blamed herself but her parents told her that wasn't the case. They told the girl that they just didn't get along anymore and Beca knew that but she just didn't want to believe it.

Beca's parents argued a lot and Beca hated it. She wanted to stop them but she was just a child. However, Beca became used to it after a while and decided to indulge herself in music and making it and Beca found that she was good at it. She loved music and she invested the majority of her time making music of all sorts. She started out making mixes by mashing up different songs and putting her own spin on it. Soon after, she began making her own originals. She only was able to get as far as lyrics but when she got older, she was able to put music to it. It was tricky but because she was passionate and talented at music, Beca was able to get the hang of it pretty quickly and put beautiful music to her songs. Beca was proud of herself but she never shared her music with anybody, not even her dad that she lived with since her mother left. It wasn't that she was embarrassed about her music. No, she just didn't like sharing. She knew that if she opened up, she'd get hurt and she just had to remember what happened with her mother to know that it was true, in her eyes anyway.

So, Beca's life wasn't off to a particularly good start. She learned from a young age to push people away and block them out to protect herself. Beca's father told her that doing that wasn't healthy but Beca didn't care. She would have done anything to protect herself. Her father tried to get Beca out of her ways but Beca refused and the man felt guilty. He felt as if he let his daughter down but he tried hard to make it up to her and bring something good out of his divorce with his wife. Beca saw his attempts at trying and she reciprocated a little but not as much as he would have liked but it was better than nothing. Beca didn't have the best relationship with her father but again, it was better than nothing.

Throughout school, Beca still kept her anatomy a secret, even from her closest friends. She couldn't risk losing them or have them turn on her because of who she was. She was confident that they wouldn't do that but she wasn't prepared to take that chance. Beca continued to keep her secret throughout her life, even through college, which was a bit tricky because by then, Beca was extremely tempted to sleep with some girls but she knew the girls would have run for the hills once they found out who Beca really was. It hurt Beca knowing that but again, she would have done anything to keep herself safe. Beca just stuck to fantasising about girls and relieving her tension herself instead of getting exposed.

Just when Beca thought things couldn't get any more difficult, Beca was diagnosed with anxiety. She had bouts of it all her life but she never truly understood it. There were times where Beca felt as if she couldn't breathe properly. She would wake up in the middle of the night with lack of breath. She trembled for no reason. She stressed about little things. Her chest felt heavy. She became lightheaded or even dizzy out of the blue. She had no idea why she felt all of these things until she had a panic attack one day and she honestly felt like she was going to die. The feeling was awful and Beca was terrified. Her chest was tight, her breathing was shallow, she was shaking, she was crying - it was the worst experience of her life.

Thankfully, her step-mother was a psychologist and knew anxiety back to front. She wasn't allowed to actually diagnose Beca with anxiety due to family conflict; it was unethical. Beca was taken to a doctor who diagnosed her. Beca wasn't happy about it but she was glad that she knew what was happening to her. Beca's step-mother recommended that Beca go and see a psychologist and a psychologist who was close to Beca's age. Beca didn't particularly like her step-mother for the simple fact that she thought she was trying to replace her real mother. It wasn't the case but Beca was well stuck in her ways when she reached her early twenties and it was hard to convince the brunette otherwise. However, Beca's step-mother insisted that Beca went to see a psychologist.

Beca's anxiety was only getting worse and since the woman wasn't prepared to talk to her or her father, a psychologist was the next best thing. Beca said that she didn't need a psychologist and that she could handle her so-called anxiety on her own but her father and step-mother were worried that it wouldn't last long and they just hoped that Beca would go to them when she needed help instead of doing it herself.