popularity || sanders sides [DISCONTINUED]

11 | Patton

Chapter Eleven: Gross, Emotions
  Patton Valentine

I couldn't stand Roman. Sometimes it felt like all he cared about was himself, what he valued, what he wanted. He didn't care about anyone else. He made that clear last night when he did what he did to Virgil.

We were supposed to rehearse some songs for the first act, including Helpless and Satisfied, and I just don't know how I was supposed to pretend to be in love with Roman. I didn't even want to look at him right now, to be honest, not after what he did to Virgil. I wish Logan was here.

Right now we were on the stage we would be performing on. We were currently doing Helpless, and somehow, Virgil did his performance perfectly.

"One week later, I'm writing a letter nightly. Now my life gets better every letter that you write me. Laughing at my sister, 'cause she wants to form a harem—"

It was time for my line, and I seemed to stumble over my words, knowing that the 'he' or 'you' that we were speaking of was Roman, "I-I'm just saying..if you loved me...you would share him!" I rushed through the end of the statement.

Virgil laughed at me as a part of his role, and then went on: "Two weeks later, in the living room stressing. My father's stone-faced while you're asking for his blessing. I'm dying inside as you wine and dine and I'm trying not to cry 'cause there's nothing that your mind can't do..."

The song went on until it was Roman's solo. At that part, he was supposed to hold Virgil's hands and sing to him, and the whole time, I could tell that they were both uncomfortable. But they didn't trip over their words like I had. The last part of the song was the wedding, wherein Virgil and Roman were supposed to kiss. Thankfully for them, though, they weren't practicing that.

Until this happened—

"Okay, let's try that again, but completely act it out. We have to get this all down before we start dress rehearsals." Miss Morris said, making it look like Virgil was about to crack. Instead of doing so, he just nodded and the music played again. This made me wish for Virgil's sake that we could just move onto Satisfied.

The song played once again, and again the wedding part came up. At the end, the both of them were hesitant, but they did kiss. I watched this go down, and when it ended, I could vaguely hear Virgil whisper something along the lines of, "Wow...that was...different than I was expecting."

We did go on to Satisfied, and I tried my best to not crack under the pressure that I knew was there. I had to make so much eye contact with Roman in the song, and that just made me feel odd. After Satisfied, I knew I could take a break until Non-Stop, and that made me free to leave for a while. I decided to go to McDonalds.

While I was eating, my phone buzzed with a text from Logan.

I smiled at the message, sending a reply as soon as I had finished reading it.

I jumped up from my table and grabbed the last of the food, quickly running from the fast food restaurant to my house. We were in a very small town. If I had to get anywhere, I could just walk. That's why I wasn't too shaken up about not being able to drive. In fact, the only buildings that weren't houses here were a bank, a few restaurants, a couple of gas stations, a dollar store and grocery store, and the schools.

My house was only two minutes away, so I got there quickly, which was ideal for what I found when I got there. I was glad that I didn't waste a second more. Logan was sitting on the couch, his face stained with tears, and I couldn't help but feel as though I had done something wrong, even though that was probably not the case at all. I ran over and sat down next to him, "Logan, what's wrong? What happened? Are you okay?"

"I am fine, Patton...I don't know what happened, if I am honest. I guess that some random emotions kicked in at some point and I had a nervous breakdown due to that action. It wasn't ideal, but I am better now, I swear to Newton." I couldn't help but smile a bit at his last statement, but then I frowned again when everything that had happened rushed back. It was strange, I should've been focusing on Logan, but him talking about his emotions flipped some sort of switch in me, and everything came back.

My dad. Telling myself everything would be okay. Lying to myself every day. Covering up my tears because I was supposed to be the rock that people could lean on and my emotions weren't supposed to be valid if they didn't assist anyone else. Then finally finding peace between Roman and Virgil, just to have it torn away right when it started. And now Logan. He's never had a problem with emotions, why start now? What happened? Did I do my job wrong?

"Patton...Patton speak to me, please..." but I could barely hear Logan. My own breathing filled my ears and my tears blurred my vision. What was this? I could hear more people come into the room to see what was happening, but that was just background noise.

***

"You can do it, I believe in you!" My father shouted as I got higher and higher on the tree. "Just one more step and you'll be at the top! And then I'll catch you!" I continued up, and eventually I was at the top, "I did it, Dad! I did it!"

He smiled and held out his arms, and I jumped into his arms from the top of the not-so-tall tree. He caught me. My dad held me close and whispered to me, "I love you, Patton." And like the dumb, impressionable five-year-old I was, I believed him.

***

I finally snapped out of my trance and looked around. Logan was beside me, holding my hand, while my mother, great-aunt, and grandfather were staring at me worriedly. It seemed as if my mother was taken over my relief when she saw my snap back into reality, because she fell to her knees and hugged me.

"Are you okay?" Logan asked. To be honest, I wasn't sure how to answer. I was okay in terms of existence, but that wasn't enough.

"I think so, yeah." I replied. It was then that I heard my phone buzz again with another text. My mom pulled away for a second and I looked at my phone, seeing a text from Virgil.

I jumped up from the couch, shoved the half-full McDonald's bag into Logan's arms, and started walking out, "I'd love to stay here, I really would, but I made a commitment to playing a lady named Angelica Schuyler-Church in a wonderful musical called Hamilton!" And with that, I left.

What I didn't hear, though, was my mother muttering happily, "That's my son..."