'Its easier for me to get closer to heaven than to ever feel whole again'
He can see the worry on his teammates faces as they board the jet. How can they not be worried after that? If it had just been a normal case Spencer would be annoyed at the constant glances but right now he's just glad he's alive.
He closes his eyes as soon as he's settled in his seat. Morgan tries to make small talk but no one's in the mood.
Spencer's exhausted. He doubts the few hours sleep he'll get on the jet will be enough, and then there's reports to write. Logically he knows no one in their right mind would make him write a report tonight, tomorrow even. He knows if he dwells on what had happened he won't be able to sleep. It's easier to pretend everything was how it should be.
He can smell burning fish guts...
His eyes snap open. He was safe. They'd found him and now they were all on the jet. They'd be back at Quantico in a few hours. They'd write up what needed to be written up then go home. He'd find some food, read, and go to sleep and wake up the next morning and everything would be ok again. There'd be no Tobias, no dilaudid. Just him and the team and a new case.
Spencer realises pretty quickly sleep isn't happening. As soon as he shuts his eyes he's back in the barn again.
The dilaudid had worn off hours ago, now he was firmly grounded in reality.
He had more in his pocket. The thought doesn't worry him, it's just a fact. A just in case.
The lights go off plunging the jet into can darkness. Spencer jumps, but at least that means everyone will be asleep soon so they don't have to worry about him.
The darkness brings it back to him, it's like he's back in that barn again. He can see lights out of the window but that's not enough to ground him in the present.
"I don't want it"
He did now. He didn't know how much Tobias had given him but he can feel his body craving it, and no amount of logical thinking was going to change that.
He's in the small bathroom of the jet. Sleeve rolled up. Cold water splashed on his face.
He takes a needle out of his pocket and a vial of dilaudid. It's quick work and he feels the relief almost immediately.
He goes back to his seat and sleeps.
